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THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 



Books by 
ELIZABETH JORDAN 

THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA. . net $1.35 

TALES OF THE CLOISTER. Post 8vo, net 1.15 

MAY IVERSON~HER BOOK. Post 8vo 1.50 

MANY KINGDOMS. Illustrated. Post 8vo 1.50 

TALES OF DESTINY. Post Bvo .... 1.50 



HARPER & BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS, N. Y. 



THIS PLAY HAS BEEN COPYRIGHTED BY 
THE AUTHOR, AND ALL THE REQUIREMENTS 
OF THE COPYRIGHT LAW HAVE BEEN MET. 
NO PERFORMANCE OF IT MAY BE GIVEN 
EXCEPT UNDER THE DIRECTION OF THE 
MANAGER WHO OWNS THE ACTING RIGHTS 



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COPYRIGHT, 1911. BY ELIZABETH JORDAN 



PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 
PUBLISHED NOVEMBER. 1911 



^CI,D 25767 



TO 

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THE CHARACTERS 

Miss Ruth Herrick, Editor of The Woman's Friend 

"Tim," her office-boy 

Miss Virginia Jefferson, an authority on EngHsh speech 

Mrs. Rutherford Dean, a social arbiter 

Colonel Arthur Belden, U, S. A., Retired. Uncle of 
Ruth Herrick 

Freddy Belden, son of Colonel Belden 

Clarice Mulholland, a "beauty speciahst," with aspi- 
rations toward the higher life 

Birdie Smith, a hair-dresser, well satisfied with life on 
this plane 

A Temperamental Lady in an Electric Bath 

Mrs. Herbert Gordon, interested in politics 

Mr. Joel Dixon, millionaire and newly elected Senator 
from Oklahoma 

Mrs. Joel Dixon, his wife, a lady in search of culture 

*Miss Carrie Jones, a manicure with "experiences" 

* A Silent Manicure 

* Annie, Mrs. Dixon's maid 

Time: — The present 

* Characters added since the original production at the 

Apollo Theatre, Atlantic City, May 15, 191 1. 



THE SCENES 

ACT I 

The Office of the Editor of "The fVomans Friend.'* April 

ACT II 

Madam O'Reilly s Beauty Parlors, Fifth Avenue, New York. 
Five Days Later 

ACT III 

The Same as Act I. June 

ACT IV 

Mrs. Dixon's Home in New York. October 



ACT I 



THE LADY FROM 
OKLAHOMA 

ACT I 

Scene : — The curtain rises on the private office of Miss 
Ruth Herrick, editor of " The Woman s Friend.^' 
Miss Herrick is discovered seated at a large 
writing-desk^ editing manuscripts for the composing- 
room. She is a handsome woman of thirty, ex- 
tremely well dressed in tailor-made clothes. She 
has a quiet force and tuell-bred self-possession which 
nothing can disturb. Her desk reveals a mass 
of manuscripts, proofs, photographs, drawings, 
and the like. The office is lighted by two windows 
in the rear, looking out over the roofs and steeples of 
adjacent buildings. There is a rug on the floor; 
three chairs (two near the desk), seem a concession 
rather than an encouragement to visitors. An office- 
[3] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

table, covered with magazines and hooks , stands by 
the windows. A screen is near it, and the third chair 
is beside it. A settee is against the wall. There are 
three doors, one (right^ leading into the outer edito- 
rial office, another (left) leading to the inner office, 
the third (up, left) opening on a corridor. Miss 
Herri ck stops reading, glances at her watch, and 
rings a bell on her desk. Tim enters. He is a very 
small boy, with red hair, freckles, and an extremely 
alert expression. He leaves the door open, and the 
outer editorial office is seen, with figures moving 
about. The clatter of typewriters in violent action 
can be distinctly heard. 

Miss Herrick 

Tim, I have two appointments this afternoon: 

(She consults a memorandum.) 

One with Miss Clarice Mulholland, at three; the 

other with Mrs. Herbert Gordon, at quarter past 

three. 

Tim 
Yes'm. 

Miss Herrick 

If either stays more than ten minutes come and say 
I'm wanted immediately, up in the composing-room. 

[4] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Tim 
Yes'm. 

Miss Herrick 

This is my busy day. I have no time to listen to the 
sad story of anybody's life. Do you understand .? 
(She resumes the work of editing manuscripts.^ 

Tim 

Yes 'm; I'll get rid of them mighty quick. Miss 

Mulholland's waitin' now. 

(He starts for the door, then returns^ 

Say, Miss Herrick, I dreamed of you last night! 



(Absently.) 
Did you ? 



Miss Herrick 



Tim 



Yes 'm. I dreamed you an' me was down at Coney 
Island, shootin' the chutes. 

Miss Herrick 

(Smiling over her work.) 

Why, Tim, what a beautiful dream! But it must not 

[5] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

make us forget the stern realities of life. Ask Miss 
Mulholland to come in. 



(Tim leaves the room. Miss Mulholland enters, with 
a careful imitation of the fashionable walk of the 
moment. She is a very blond, very "stylish," very 
self-assured young person of nineteen. She wears 
an elaborate princess gown, a huge hat, and carries 
a small hand-bag on which her initials appear in 
large gold-plate letters. Miss Herri ck rises to greet 
her, and Miss Mulholland bows and sinks into a 
chair without waiting to be asked. Miss Herrick 
resumes her seat.) 

Miss Mulholland 

(Languidly.) 

How do, Miss Herrick. Mebbe you don*t remember 
me. Fm one of Madam O'Reilly's young ladies, up 
in her beauty parlors. I done your complexion often 
last winter. 

Miss Herrick 

(Without enthusiasm.) 

I remember you perfectly. Miss Mulholland. 

[6] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 
(More languidly.^ 
You ain't been comin' to us lately, have you ? 

Miss Herrick 

No, I've been going to a little woman who needs all 
the customers she can get. A few more or less 
don't count with Madam O'Reilly. 

Miss Mulholland 

(Roused into professional interest.^ 
We missed you, all right. On'y the other day Madam 
says to me, "I wonder what's become o'Miss Herrick. 
She ain't been in for months." I says, "Mebbe she's 
dead," I says, just like that. An' I wish you could 'a' 
seen Madam glare at me. 

Miss Herrick 
Not dead; only gone — before you people got all my 
money. I spent most of my salary in Madam 
O'Reilly's beauty parlors last year. She didn't make 
me a vision of loveliness, either. 

Miss Mulholland 
Oh, you ain't so bad ! But you could make lots more 
of your looks than you do. 

[7] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(She rises, stands off, and studies Miss Herrick, with 
her head on one side, lost in the artist's interest.) 

Miss Herrick 
(Carelessly.) 

As an expert, Miss Mulholland, what changes in me 
would you advise ? 

Miss Mulholland 
Well, for one thing, you look sort of high-browed. 
You're intelligent, an' you show it! Believe me, 
nothin' scares men so much. 

Miss Herrick 
(^Laughing.) 
You alarm me! 

Miss Mulholland 

(Kindly.) 

Don't worry about it. Some little curls would make 
you look more clingin'. Wear jabots, too. There's 
nothin' like lace at the neck to make a woman seem 
kind o' tender and helpless. Linen collars is too 
independent. 

(She walks around to Miss Herrick' s left and studies 
her from that point.) 

[8] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 

(Smiling.) 

Thank you, I'll remember that. 

Miss Mulholland 
(Growing enthustasttc.) 

Why, if I had you three months I could make a 
perfessional beauty of you. 

Miss Herrick 
You flatter me. 

Miss Mulholland 
No, I don't. 'Tain't your looks. It's my job. I 
could do it to most any one. 

Miss Herrick 
"Get thee behind me!" You can't paint this lily. 

Miss Mulholland 
Oh, I wouldn't paint you! But if I got behind you 
I'd change your hair mighty quick. 

Miss Herrick 
What's wrong with my hair .? 

[9] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 

It's all wrong. Madam O'Reilly's got a dandy new 
style this spring — the Sappho Knot. It ain't so stiff" 
as the Psyche Knot, and it's terrible classy. Come 
up an' try it! 

Miss Herrick 

Oh yes, I'll try it sometime. But I'm very busy just 
now — 

Miss Mulholland 

(Recalled abruptly to the object of her visit.) 
Course you're busy. Don't I know ? Us profes- 
sional ladies understands each other. 
(She sits down, leans her elbows on Miss Herrick's 
desk, scattering the papers right and lefty and con- 
tinues, confidentially^ 
That's why I come to see you. Listen, Miss Her- 
rick. I'm tired of my job. Bein' a beauty specialist 
ain't really a job. It's a kind of a new disease! 



Miss Herrick 

Why, you've just been discussing it like an inspired 
genius, I thought you loved your work. 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 
Loved it ! Say, ain't you careless with words ? Listen ! 
This is what I do! I steam women's faces, an' I 
make up their eyebrows, an' I treat their com- 
plexions, an' I give 'em electric baths. Could I love 
that ? It's women, women, women from mornin' 
till night. An' they all want to look better than the 
Lord ever meant them to. 

Miss Herrick 
That sounds interesting. 

Miss Mulholland 

I had just one interestin' patient last year. She come 

to me an' she says: "I'm a chromo an' I know it. 

Make me into a picture." 

(Impressively^ 

She left it all to me, an' I done it. 



Miss Herrick 



Successfully 



Miss Mulholland 
Well, I guess ! When I got through, her own husband 
didn't know her. So she divorced him an' married 
a man with two millions. 

[II] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
You have proved your case. 

Miss Mulholland 
But the work's gettin' on my nerves. The doctor 
says I got an awful delicate organization. An' 
lemme tell you somethin'. 

Tim 
(Entering!) 

There's a lady here that's wrote her first story, Miss 
Herrick. She says will you take it, or will she give 
some other magazine the chanct. Will / give her 
some advice ^. 



You.? 



Miss Herrick 
Tim 



I can do It! 

(Earnestly.) 

I know what you always say to beginners. I know 

it by heart! 

Miss Mulholland 
(Giggling.) 
Say, Miss Herrick, that's one on you. Ain't he cute ? 

[I2l 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(To Tim.) 

You'll be an editor yourself some day if you don't 

watch out. 

Tim 
Not much! I'm goin' to invent air-ships. 

Miss Herrick 
Ask the lady to leave her story. We will read it, and 
write her about it. 

(Exit Tim. Miss Mulholland draws a long breath, 
and Miss Herrick, realizing that the flood-gates are 
open, leans hack in her chair to listeti.) 

Miss Mulholland 

I might stand the women. Fm rid of them when the 

shop closes. But there's the men . That's another 

story ! 

(She pauses eloquently.) 

Closin'-up time at the shop is just the beginnin' of 

the day for them, an' it don't take 'em long to get 

busy! I give you my word, Miss Herrick, Fm that 

pursued Fm desprit. 

Miss Herrick 
Dear me ! Are they all villains ? Isn't there an honest 
village lad among them "^ 

[13] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 
There ain't no honest village lads nowhere, nowa- 
days, except in story-books. An' you needn't laugh. 
I guess you'd be serious enough if it was you they 
was runnin' after. 

Miss Herrick 
I beg your pardon. 

Miss Mulholland 
(Gloomily.) 

I don't know what it is about me that catches 'em, 
but I got somethin' men can't get past. Mebbe it's 
magnetism. Mr. Freddy Belden says it's reely me 
soul he admires. I shut his power off quick. He's 
the dangerous kind, that talks about needin' a good 
woman's influence? 
(She rises and paces the floor.) 

Miss Herrick 
Freddy Belden is my cousin. 

Miss Mulholland 

(Turning to look at her.) 

Oh, I didn't know. Ain't life the picture-puzzle! 
Every little while you got to fit in a new piece. Well, 
no harm done. I ain't told you all I think about him. 

[14] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
Tell me now. His mother was a mother to me, too. 
She died ten years ago. I'm trying to take her 
place with Freddy, but Fm afraid Fm not doing it 
very well. 
(Seriously.^ 
Miss Mulholland, is Freddy up to any mischief.? 

Miss Mulholland 
Not a bit! He's just young an' happy. He'd flirt 
with a suffrage parade if it passed his way — but 
he's all right. 

Miss Herrick 
Fm glad to hear that. 

Miss Mulholland 

He's got too much time and money, though. And 
he comes to Madam O'Reilly's manicure parlors too 
much. Keep him away. 

Miss Herrick 
I will try to. 

Miss Mulholland 
Fll help you if I can. Thanks to him, an' others like 

[15] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

him, folks is beginnin' to talk about me. What can 
I do ? It ain't my fault. Freddy Belden himself 
says my character's a virgin page. 

Miss Herrick 

I didn't realize that matters were so serious. But 
how can / help you ? 

Miss Mulholland 
Listen. You c'n help me get some differ'nt work. 
Every one says you're kind to folks. I want to get 
out of the beauty business. I want to get into some- 
thin' higher, where men lets women 3.h-so-lute-ly 
alone. 

Tim 

(^Entering briskly.) 

Lady out there says she's read The Woman s Friend 
for twenty-five years, Miss Herrick, an' she wants to 
come in an' kiss you. 

Miss Herrick 
What? 

Tim 

'Cause you're the editor. Will I let her ? 

[i6] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 
(Giggling.) 
My, you got your troubles, too, ain't you ? 

Miss Herrick 
Heavens, another ! I wish their loyalty to the maga- 
zine wouldn't take that form. 
(Hopefully, to Tim.) 
Couldn't you — • 

Tim 
(Interrupting her.) 
Couldn't I ? Sure I could ! 
(Earnestly.) 
I'd just as lief. 
(He starts with alacrity.) 

Miss Herrick 
(Sternly.) 
Tim, that is not what I meant ! How old are you ? 

Tim 
(Turning hack.) 
Fourteen. 
(Eagerly.) 
But I'm growin' awful fast. 

[17] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 

Yes, rm beginning to think you're growing too fast 
for this office. Ask the lady to wait. 
(Exit Tim.) 

Miss MULHOLLAND 

(Gloomily.) 

I kin see his finish right now. He's goin' to be like 

the rest of 'em. 

Miss Herrick 

We must try to keep him in the straight and narrow 
path. But about you. Is there any other work you 
have a liking for .? 

Miss MuLHOLLAND 

I'd like to write stories, if I could get a place to do it 
reg'lar. 

Miss Herrick 
(Feebly.) 
Oh! 

Miss MuLHOLLAND 

(Firmly.) 

I know I could do it, an' do it good. None of us 
girls at Madam O'Reilly's reads the stories in the 

[i8] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

magazines. They ain't interestin'. If I wrote 'em 
they would be. 

Miss Herrick 

(^M ore feebly.) 
Oh, but — 

Miss Mulholland 

I know what girls wants. I wrote a story to show 
you. It's a dandy. It's called "Marie, the Mag- 
netic Manicure; or, Her Duty was Her Doom." 

Miss Herrick 
It has a stirring title. 

Miss Mulholland 

Most of what's in it happened to me. Believe me, 

I could tell you things — 

(^j- she talks she fumbles in the hand-bag and pro- 
duces a manuscript written on both sides and tied 
with pink ribbon. She hands it to Miss Herrick^ 
who turns over the pages with raised eyebrows.) 

Miss Herrick 

I will read the story, Miss Mulholland, and we will 
talk about it later. Perhaps you're right in looking 

[19] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

for other work, but I'm not sure your best field 

would be literature. 

(Thoughtfully.^ 

Do you think you could fill a position as typewriter ? 

Miss Mulholland 
Lead me to it, I used to be a typewriter before I 
was a beauty specialist. 

Miss Herrick 
There may be an opening here in a month or two. I 
will keep you in mind. 
(She rises.^ 

Good-by. 

Miss Mulholland 
(Eagerly^ 

Miss Herrick, lemme read some of my story to you. 
It's terrible sad. I read it to five of the girls last 
night, an' they cried till the landlady come up-stairs 
to see what pipe had burst. 
(She goes to the desk and recovers her literary treasure.^ 

Miss Herrick 
Really, Miss Mulholland, Fm afraid I haven't time — 

Miss Mulholland 
(Unrolling the manuscript.^ 
Listen. 

[20] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(Miss Herrick sits down, with a gesture of resignation. 

Miss Mulholland reads-) 
"Marie/' cried Harold Vandernecker, "I love you 
with a love that is my doom. Before yon sun sets 
in the blood-red eastern sky you shall be my wife!" 

Miss Herrick 
Wasn't that rather sudden ? 

Miss Mulholland 
(Complacently.) 

It wasn't too sudden for Marie. That's what girls 
wants. Most stories ends with marriage. Mine 
begins with marriage. That's what makes it so sad. 

Miss Herrick 
Why do you have your sun set in the eastern sky ? 

Miss Mulholland 
(Seizing a pencil.) 

That's so. It ain't right. Well, it's new, anyway. 
(At this reassuring thought she leaves the sentence 
unchanged.) 

Miss Herrick 
What happened next ? 

[21] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 
(Triumphantly .^ 

You want to know, don't you ? Interesting ain't it ? 
Listen. 
(She reads i) 

Without another word he c-r-ushed her to his 
breast. 

Miss Herrick 
Harold was impulsive. 

Miss Mulholland 

Marie liked it. They all do. That's what girls 
wants. Now lemme read you what comes afterwards. 
They both get mur-r-dered on their weddin' day by 
Harold's rival. 

Tim 

(Entering^ 

They want you in the composin'-room, Miss Herrick. 
Immediately. The lady that wanted to kiss you has 
went away. Mr. Freddy Belden's out there. 

Miss Herrick 
Will you excuse me, Miss Mulholland .? 

[22] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 

Why, certainly. I'll wait. 

(Enthusiastically.^ 

I've just thought of a grand new end for my story. 

I'll put it in right now. 

{She goes to the table, sits down near the screen, and 
enters upon the agonies of composition. Miss 
Herrick looks after her in despair. During the 
scene that follows between Freddy and Miss Herrick, 
Miss Mulholland tears up pages, breaks pencils, 
thrusts her hands into her hair, and gives other 
pantomimic evidence of the fine frenzy attending the 
birth of a great literary idea.) 

Miss Herrick 
Show Mr. Belden in, Tim. 

(Tim goes out.) 

{Freddy Belden enters. He is a blond, immaculate 
youth of twenty, extremely well dressed. He bustles 
up to Ruth Herrick, with air of great importance, 
and as he talks to her he pulls numerous packages 
of manuscript from all his pockets.) 

Freddy 

{Breezily, not seeing Miss Mulholland.) 
How d'you do, Ruth ! I've been out on the anxious 

[23] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

bench ten minutes, beating people away from your 
door. They hated to go. They have stories to read 
to you, pictures to show to you, and poems to sell to 
you. But I got rid of them! 

Miss Herrick 
Freddy, how can you be so absurd ? Why didn't 
you let them wait ? 

Freddy 
Why should they wait .? I don't like to boast, but I 
uplifted those people more in that short time than 
you and The Woman's Friend could lift 'em in 
twenty years. Then I sent them home. What more 
could they want .? Here are their manuscripts. 
(He drops them on her desk.) 
Read them at your leisure. 

Miss Herrick 
(^Regarding the pile apprehensively .) 
Thank you. Run away now. 

Freddy 

Not till I've done my bit. One woman made me 
her agent. She has submitted this novel for serial 
publication. She says it weighs two pounds. 

[24] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(He balances a large bundle of book manuscript on his 
hand.) 

Miss Herrick 
You made that up! 

Freddy 

Not L She told me the whole plot. The story 
begins fifty years ago, and works by slow stages up 
to the present time. The he'roipe was born — 

Miss Herrick 
(^Seriously.) •^ 

Really, Freddy, you must go. Don't you see Fm 
engaged ^ 

Miss MULHOLLAND 

(^Emerging from behind the screen, and reading her 

manuscript as she comes.) 
"With a blood-curd-ling yell he hurled the beau-ti- 
ful girl into the black and bot-tom-less a-byss." 
Say, Miss Herrick, will readers know Marie is dead 
then ? Or must I write that, too } 
{She sees Freddy, who, having recognized her with 

some embarrassment, is stealthily creeping toward 
[25] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

the door. She drops her manuscript on Miss 
Herrick's desk and greets him coyly. ^ 
How d'ye do, Mr. Belden ? 

Freddy 
Why — how do you do ? 

Miss Mulholland 
{Coldly.) 

My, you don't seem very glad to see me. 
(To Miss Herrick.) 

An* only Thursday evenin* he asked me out to 
dinner! 

Freddy 

{More embarrassed.) 

You wouldn't go, would you .? 

Miss Mulholland 
(Darkly.) 

No, I wouldn't go. But I rode on top of the Fifth 
Avenue 'bus with you, an' you said you couldn't tell 
my hair from the moonlight. Have you forgot that .? 
(She exchanges a significant look with Miss Herrick. 
Both are amused, but their faces sober before Freddy 
observes them.) 

[26] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Freddy 
{Desperately.) 

You have so many admirers! Perhaps you're think- 
ing of some one else. 

Miss Mulholland 
Oh, I am, am I ? 
(To Miss Herrtck?) 

Will you listen to him. An' him in the manicure 
parlors every day for the last two weeks. It's a 
wonder he's got any nails left. 

Freddy 

{Laughing nervously.^ 

Oh, come now. 

(Recovering himself and trying to make the best of it.) 

I was getting a rise out of you. You're the fairest 

flower in the garden of life. 

(Sentimentally.) 

How can I help looking at you over the fence .? 

Miss Mulholland 
(Admiringly.) 

Ain't you the limit, Mr. Belden ! 
(She turns to Miss Herrick.) 

There ain't really no harm in him. That's what 

[27] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Madam O'Reilly always says. We can't keep Mr. 
Belden out of the manicure parlors, she says; but he 
don't count. He's innocent as a kitten. 

Freddy 

{Furiously.^ 

A kitten! I like that! Confound Madam O'Reilly. 

Miss Mulholland 
(Sweetly.^ 

That ain't the way you talk to her. 
(To Miss Herricky with another significant glance^ 
If you could hear the things he says to us girls. Only 
yesterday he told Birdie Smith he couldn't tell her 
face from a pink rose. 

Freddy 
Say, hold on ! Of course I was fooling. 

Miss Mulholland 
(Giggling.) 

All right. I'll tell Birdie that. He's afraid of you, 
ain't he, Miss Herrick ? I'm glad there's some one 
he's afraid of. You ought 'a' heard him tell Madam 
O'Reilly last Monday that the bloom on her cheeks 
was like the bloom on a purple grape. 

[28] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Freddy 

(Throwing himself into a chair and clutching his 

head in both hands.) 
Miss Mulholland, this — is — not — fair. 

Miss Mulholland 

(Unheedingly.) 

An' the things he says to me! He told me one day 
he had to look twice to tell me from a modest violet. 
An' then he wasn't sure till I talked. 

Freddy 
(Bitterly.) 

I can tell you from a violet to-day, all right. Do 
you always repeat all you know .? 

Miss Mulholland 

All I know .? Mercy, I ain't got started. Don't you 
dare me. 

(Tim Enters.) 

Tim 

This lady wants to come right in. Miss Herrick. 

(He hands Miss Herrick a card. She drops it on 
her desk.) 

[29] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 
(Elegantly.) 

Then I won't detain you any longer. Besides, 
Madam expects me back at four. Good-bye, Miss 
Herrick. Good-bye, Mr. Belden. Pleased to meet 
you any time. 

(Freddy bows coldly. She starts for the door, and 
suddenly returns.) 

Miss Mulholland 

I got to have a good salary, Miss Herrick, if I make 
a change. I'm gettin' twenty a week now, countin* 
extras. I couldn't come for less. 
(Miss Herrick nods and smiles. Miss Mulholland 
starts again, almost colliding with Tim.) 

Miss Mulholland 

(Drawing herself up and regarding him disap- 
provingly.) 
Say, boy, ain't there room for us both on this earth .? 
(Exit Miss Mulholland?) 

Miss Herrick 

That episode should be a lesson to you, Freddy, if 
anything can be. She meant it so, too. She's rather 
a good sort, that girl. 

[30] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Freddy 

She talks too much. 

(^Sulkily.) 

She'd make a fine phonograph — if one could turn her 

off sometimes. 

Miss Herrick 

She has certainly given us a clear record of your 

diversions. 

(^Freddy plunges his hands into his pockets, walks to 
the window and gazes resentfully before him. Tim, 
who has been awaiting his chance, thrusts the card 
before Miss Herrick. She ignores it. He pushes 
it forward insinuatingly.^ 

Tim 

This lady can't wait a minute. She says 't'ain't 
business, an' she ain't got no appointment. But it's 
awful important, she says, an' she's come all the way 
from Oklahoma to see you. 

Miss Herrick 
(Doubtfully.^ 

I'm afraid she must wait. I'm expecting Mrs. 

[31] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Gordon in a few minutes, and she has an appoint- 
ment. 

(She reads the name on the card.) 
Mrs. Joel Dixon. Perhaps I can finish with her 
before Mrs. Gordon comes. 
(With sudden decision.) 
Show her in. 

(Tim goes out, and returns immediately, ushering 
Mrs. Joel Dixon from the outer ofice. Mrs. Dixon 
is a little woman of thirty-eight, with gray eyes, an 
exquisite, sad face, and garments wholly lacking fit 
and fashion. She has no figure, no carriage, no 
manner, hut she has unusual magnetism and a 
subtle charm. Miss Herrick rises to greet her, 
hows, and motions to a chair. They sit down. 
Freddy stands as hefore, sulking and hiting his lip. 
Tim remains also, husying himself with the ar- 
rangement of hooks and magazines on the table.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
Are you Miss Herrick I The editor of The Woman's 
Friend? I got to be sure before I say another word. 
My business is private. 

Miss Herrick 
Yes. 

[32] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(To Freddy?) 

Freddy, go into the inner office for five minutes. 

Later I want a serious talk with you. 

Freddy 
Can't it wait till fall ? Fm awfully busy now. 

Miss Herrick 
Five minutes. 

Freddy 

ril wait. But I don't want to! 
(He goes into the inner office.') 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Leaning forward confidentially.^ 

Fm one of your constant readers. I saw in your 

magazine how many women write to you, and what 

good advice you give 'em. So when I had to have 

advice I says to myself, "She knows everything. 

She'll help me. Fd ruther go to her than to anybody 

else." 

Miss Herrick 

(With perfunctory courtesy.") 
Thank you. I will be glad to help you if I can. 
3 [33] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 

I just felt you would. I come all the way from 
Oklahoma to talk to you. 

Miss Herrick 
That sounds rather serious! 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Nodding.') 

It is serious. It's just this. Miss Herrick, I'm a 
woman that don't know a thing. I got to know 
everything, an' I got to know it quick. How will I 
begin .? 

(Miss Herrick raises her eyebrows, smiles, and leans 
hack in her chair, studying the speaker^ 

Miss Herrick 
(Crisply) 

Tell me a little more. I don't understand. Of 
course I can't advise you till I do. 

Mrs. Dixon 
It's this way. Me an' my husband was poor. Now 
we're rich. While we lived in little places we was all 
right. Nobody minded our mistakes. But every- 
thing is different this year. 

[34] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
In what way ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
My husband went into politics a few years ago, and 
last fall he was elected Senator from Oklahoma. I 
didn't come East last winter, but I want to go to 
Washington with him next November, and live there. 

Miss HERRfcK 
I see. 

Mrs. Dixon 
I have to make myself all over before I go to Wash- 
ington. I ain't got but seven months to do it in. I 
can't afford to lose a minute. What must I do .? I 
have the money. That's all I have. 
(Miss Herrick slowly nods her head and smiles assur- 

ingly. When she speaks her voice shows merely a 

courteous, impersonal interest.^ 

Miss Herrick 
I understand now. You want to study, and develop, 
and all that. You mustn't hope to do everything at 
once. It's not an affair of weeks or months. You 
can make a good start — 

(Mrs. Dixon drops her arms on the desk and thrusts 
forward a face transfigured by excitement.^ 
[35] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
I tell you, I got to do it in seven months. That's why 
I traveled two thousand miles for this talk. Don't 
I know I could read an' study an' work if I had years .? 
Would I need to bother you if I had ^. It's got to be 
done before November, Everything depends on it. 

Miss Herrick 
Everything ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Desperately^ 

Yes, everything. My home depends on it. Miss 
Herrick — my husband depends on it. He's gettin' 
ashamed of me. I got to keep up with him. I got 
to be difFferent. / got to have culture. 

Miss Herrick 
(Slowly.^ 
You mean — 

(Mrs. Dixon nods. She tries to speak and cannot. 
She fumbles vaguely in her pocket for her handker- 
chief.^ 

Miss Herrick 
(Suddenly realizing Tirns presence.^ 
You may go, Tim. 
(Tim goes out.) 

[36] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
My husband thinks I don't know nothin*. An' I 
don't. That's what makes it hurt. He says I ain't 
got manners for society — an' that's true, too. 

Miss Herrick 
How about him? 

Mrs. Dixon 
He's read about women that makes mistakes an' gets 
laughed at, an' hurts their husbands' careers. He 
says men get along somehow, but women makes the 
trouble. He thinks I oughta stay home. But I 
can't. We ain't got no children, an' I'd die away 
from Joe. 

Miss Herrick 
I think we can help you, Mrs. Dixon, but — 

Mrs. Dixon 
Let me tell you all of it. There's — 

Miss Herrick 
Another woman, I suppose. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Yes, in Washington. He met her last winter. She's 
got education an' culture. At first he wrote about her 

[37] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

every week, quotin' her and admirin' her. Now he 
don't mention her name, but I can see he's thinkin' 
about her the hull time. You know, when a man 
stops talkin an' begins to look glum, it's time to set 
up an' take notice! 

Miss Herrick 
Is she young.'' 

Mrs. Dixon 
Yes, an' good-lookin'. I saw her picture in a news- 
paper once. Oh, she's got everything I ain't got. 
An' she's gettin' Joe, if she ain't got him already. 
(She takes her handkerchief out of her hand-hag and 
wipes her eyes.^ 

Tim 
(Entering.^ 

They want you in the composin'-room. Miss Herrick. 
Immediately. 

Miss Herrick 
Very well, Tim. 
(Exit Tim.) 

Freddy 
(Entering.) 

The five minutes are up, Ruth. I have an appoint- 
ment at half-past three. 

[3S] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 

One moment, Freddy. 
(She turns to Mrs. Dixon.) 

Mrs. Dixon, this is my cousin, Frederick Belden — 
an infant I have brought up at my knee, and across 
it. 

(Mrs. Dixon rises aud hows quaintly. Freddy shakes 
hands with her.) 

Freddy 

See those manuscripts, Ruth .? I forgot to speak 

about them. 

(He points to the first packages he dropped on her 
desk. Mrs. Dixon watches him, at first dully and 
then with real interest in the scene which is new and 
strange to her.) 

Miss Herrick 
Good heavens! What a collection! 

Freddy 
Those are the efforts of a maiden lady who wrote you 
last year, asking your advice about doing literary 
worko You told her to try. Here's the result. 

Miss Herrick 
She never did all that in one year! 

[39] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Freddy 

(Running over the manuscripts.') 

It's the output of a lifetime blameless but for this. 

{He opens them and reads the titles.) 

One short story; one description of her first visit to 

St. Peter's; one essay on the affectionate nature of 

Elizabeth Barrett Browning; thirteen poems — 

Miss Herrick 

(Taking several manuscripts from him and glancing 

over them.) 
This sort of thing would drive me mad if now and 
then we didn't get something really fine. 
(She throws down the manuscripts and takes up the 

manuscript she has been editing.) 
This, for instance. It's from an unknown writer, 
but it's the best story I've read for months. It goes 
into the next number. By the way, I must rush 
it through. 
(She jots a few words on the corner of the first page.) 

Freddy 

(Reading what she has written.) 

"O. K. R. H. Rush." What's the meaning of 

those mystic symbols .? 

[40] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 

It means that this story must be put into type in the 

shortest possible time. 

(^She rings for Tim, who enters.^ 

The foreman of the composing-room will put a dozen 

men on it, and in a few minutes it will be ready to 

jam into the next number. 

(She gives it to Tim, who crosses to the tube, puts it 
into a pneumatic cartridge, and shoots it up through 
the ceiling. Then he leaves the room.^ 

Mrs, Dixon 
My! Ain't that remarkable! 

Miss Herrick 
(To Freddy.^ 

How did you get rid of your aspiring author ? 

Freddy 
Oh, I accepted all her manuscripts. I told her you'd 
get out a special number of The Woman s Friend 
containing nothing but her work. It's a great 
scheme. She said she would buy a hundred copies. 
(To Mrs. Dixon.) 
Watch me. 
(He wets a pencil in his mouth, writes in the corner 

of one of the manuscripts, and starts to shoot it up 

the tube.) 

[41] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
(Intercepting him and reading what he has written^ 
"O. K. Freddy. P. D. Q." 
(^She laughs and throws the manuscript on her desk!) 

Freddy 
(Disconsolately?) 
I wanted to rush things, too. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Admiringly.) 

When you shoot it up the tube does it go right into 
the magazine, just Hke that ? My, I never thought it 
was so easy to be an editor. 

Miss Herrick 
(Smiling.) 

No, Mrs. Dixon. First it is set — that is, put into 
type. Then the galley proof comes down. After 
that they have to make it into pages — and do a lot 
of things. Later you will see what happens. 
(7*0 Freddy.) 

Now, Freddy, run home. We'll have that talk some 
other time. 

Freddy 
I wasn't going to stay, anyway. Fm too busy. 
Good-bye. Good-bye, Mrs. Dixon. 

[42] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(He opens the door, goes out, then suddenly thrusts 

his head in.) 
Ruth, do you want to know why I really came here 
to-day ? 

Miss Herrick 
(^Cheerfully.) 
Just love for me! 

Freddy 

That was it. And something else. 

(Coaxingly.) 

Won't you ask father to increase my allowance to five 

thousand plunks ? 

Miss Herrick 
I will not. 

Freddy 

The cost of living in New York is awful ! Think it 

over. 

(Exit Freddy. Miss Herrick returns to her desk.) 

Mrs. Dixon 

He's a nice boy. I wish I had one like him. You 
get every kind here, don't you ^ I don't know what 

[43] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

head I come under. But I can see pretty plain that 
you got about all you can handle. There ain't any 
reason why you should put yourself out for me. 

Miss Herrick 

(Absently, glancing over the new manuscripts^ 
We're glad to do anything we can for our readers, 
of course. It's part of our work. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Wait a minute. I want to make things plainer to 
you. If I went blind as I stood here, you'd see that 
I got home all right, wouldn't you .? 

Miss Herrick 

(Laying down the manuscripts.) 
I certainly would. 

Mrs. Dixon 

If I dropped dyin' here at your feet, you'd get me to 
the hospital, wouldn't you } You'd stand by till 
some one came ^. 

Miss Herrick 

I would, indeed. 

[44] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
Of course you would. You'd think that was a 
des'pret case. Miss Herrick, I want you to know 
Tm worse off than that. Death would end things. 
So would blindness. But I got to live, and see, and 
suffer. Fm des'pret! I'm reachin' out to you in 
the blackest hours of my life ! 

Miss Herrick 
{Leaning forward.^ 
Tell me exactly what you want to do. 

Mrs. Dixon 
I want to get culture. I want to get my husband 
away from that woman. I want to be fit for the 
place he's made for us both. 

Miss Herrick 
And all in seven months! 

Mrs. Dixon 
I can do it, if you help. That ain't just an idea of 
mine. It's one of the strongest feelin's I ever had 
in my life. Oh, help me. Miss Herrick! Help me! 

Miss Herrick 
(After a pregnant pause.) 

I will! Here's my hand on it. I believe you will 

[45] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

win out. I'll back you from start to finish. Re- 
member, you cannot get an education in seven 
months, but you can make a very good beginning. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Oh, bless you! 
(She takes the hand in both hers, and holds it to her 

breast, momentarily overcome. Then, eagerly:^ 
When will I begin .? What will I do first ? 

Miss Herrick 
Can you stay in New York all the time, from now 
until November ? And work every minute \ 

Mrs. Dixon 
I can. 

Miss Herrick 
(With swift decision.^ 

We'll start to-day. I'll turn you over to a corps of 
dressmakers, beauty specialists, masseurs, and eti- 
quette authorities. 

Mrs. Dixon 
What for? 

Miss Herrick 
You must learn to dress well, look well, act well. 
That's the first part, and the easiest. You must 

[46] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

study, too, day and night. I repeat — you won't 
know much at the end of seven months. But you 
can be so changed in looks and manner that your 
husband will think you do. Does he know about 
your ambitions .? 

Mrs. Dixon 

No. I'll make myself over first. I've got plenty of 
money. He give me five thousand dollars when I 
left home, and said to send for more if I need it. 

Miss Herrick 
Does he know where you are ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
He thinks I'm travelin'. He's in Washington. He 
said I could go to Europe if I wanted to. 
(Miss Herrick rings her hell. Tim er^ters.) 

Miss Herrick 

Tim, bring me the telephone-book. 
(Exit Tim.) 

Miss Herrick 
(Decidedly.) 
First of all, I will get Mrs. Rutherford Dean to take 

[47] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

you in hand. She's a friend of mine, and of my 
uncle, Colonel Belden. She has an excellent social 
position, but no money. She will come and live 
with you, or take you in with her. You must pay 
well, but it's worth it. She'll make you work. 
She'll put you through your paces twenty-four hours 
a day! 

Mrs. Dixon 
I'll work forty-eight hours a day if she wants me to. 

Miss Herrick 
For beauty treatment I'll take you up to Madam 
O'Reilly's and give Miss Clarice Mulholland carte 
blanche. She will like that. 

Mrs; Dixon 
Wouldn't she like cash better ? 

Miss Herrick 
She will demand both. 

Mrs. Dixon 

I wish there was some way I could pay you. 
(Miss Herrick checks her with a quick gesture.^ 

[48] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
You can never pay me. That must be understood. 
(Smiling.^ 

Of course I expect you to say a good word for The 
Woman s Friend whenever you can. 

Mrs. Dixon 
ril take the stump for it! I'll give it as a Christmas 
present to every woman in Oklahoma ! 

Miss Herrick 
(Gaily.^ 

That's the right spirit! 

(Tim enters with the telephone-hook and a bundle of 
proofs.) 

Tim 

Miss Herrick, they need you up-stairs, in the com- 
posin'-room. 

Miss Herrick 
Oh, Tim! 

(She waves him away.) 

Tim 

They really do. It ain't a bluff this time. Imme- 
diately. Here's the rough proofs of the story you just 
'4 [49] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

sent up. They put a dozen men on it. The form's 
got to go to the foundry in ten minutes. 
(Miss Herrick takes the galley-proofs y glances through 
them and marks them 0. K.) 

Miss Herrick 
ril read the whole thing in the foundry proofs. 
(Tim takes the proofs from her and goes out?) 

Mrs. Dixon 
You mean to say the folks up-stairs put a whole story 
into type that quick.? My! 

(The door of the outer office opens suddenly and Mrs. 
Gordon enters.^ 

Mrs. Gordon 
Are you ready for me, Miss Herrick .? 
(Sees the visitor.^ 

Oh, I beg your pardon. Your boy wasn't there, so 
I came right in, as I had an appointment. 
(She starts to retreat.^ 

Miss Herrick 
Don't go. We have almost finished. 
(To Mrs. Dtxon.) 

Will you amuse yourself with the magazines for a 
few moments ^ Then we'll get those addresses. 

[50] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
(To Mrs. Dixon.) 
Thank you. 
(7*0 Mtss Herrick.) 
I won't need more than five minutes. 
{She sits down. Mrs. Dixon retreats to the tahle, seats 
herself he side it, and picks up a magazine.) 

Mrs. Gordon 
Miss Herrick, I don't know you as well as I'd like to, 
but I have a favor to ask. I want to meet Colonel 
Belden! 

Miss Herrick 
My uncle ? Surely it's not difficult to meet him! I 
thought you knew every one. 

Mrs. Gordon 
I don't know him. I want you to bring us to- 
gether. I want him to come and see me. I need 
his help in a very important matter. 

Miss Herrick 
I see. 

(She hesitates.) 

Do you mind telling me what the important matter 
is.? 

[51] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
(^Smiling.) 

You haven't much confidence in me, have you ? 
However, it's in connection with the new National 
Park bill. Colonel Belden has enormous influence. 
He knows all the New York and Washington editors. 

Miss Herrick 
(^Sloivly.^ 
Senator Kirby is back of that bill, isn't he .? 

Mrs. Gordon 
Yes. 

Miss Herrick 

I'm going to be quite frank with you. I don't like 
what I have heard about that new National Park 
bill. I don't like what I have heard of Senator Kirby. 

Mrs. Gordon 

He has enemies, of course. Who hasn't I But his 
National Park bill is directly in line with the newest 
ideals, conservation. 

Miss Herrick 
(Grimly.) 

I've heard too much of Senator Kirby's methods in 

[52] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

the past to believe in them now. Under the new 
name I should expect to find some form of graft. 
No, Mrs: Gordon. 
(Mrs. Dixon puts down the magazine!) 

Miss Herrick 
Tm sorry, but I can't help you to pull Senator Kirby's 
chestnuts out of the fire. Fm very sure my uncle 
will not, either. Are you going back to Washington 
to-night .? 

Mrs. Gordon 

(Rising, with a little shrug of affected indifference.) 
No, not until next week. I must see Mrs. Ruther- 
ford Dean and several others before I go. 
(Mrs. Dixon starts, stares, rises, and comes slowly 
forward. Then she stands transfixed, gazing at 
Mrs. Gordon with eyes that hold a dawning recog- 
nition.) 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Courteously, including Mrs. Dixon in her farewell.) 
Good-bye. I hope my interruption has not been too 
long. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Hoarsely, advancing toward Mrs. Gordon.) 
Are you Mrs. Herbert Gordon, of Washington? 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
Yes. 

(Distantly.^ 
But I don't think I have met you before, Mrs. — er — 

Mrs. Dixon 
No, you ain't met me before, Mrs. Gordon, but I've 
heard of you. 
(Slowly.^ 

I'm Mrs. Joel Dixon, of Oklahoma. 
(For an instant Mrs. Gordon looks startled. Then 

she pulls herself together, smile Sy and approaches 

the other woman.^ 

Mrs. Gordon 
Mrs. Dixon.? How delightful! Your husband and 
I are good friends. 

(She offers Mrs. Dixon her hand, which Mrs. Dixon 
ignores. Mrs. Gordon turns to Miss Herrick.) 

Good-bye, Miss Herrick. Good-bye, Mrs. Dixon. 

So glad to have met you. If I were to be in New 

York longer I would ask if I might come and see you. 

As it is, we must wait till you come to Washington. 

(She bows to them both, and leaves. Mrs. Dixon 
turns and stares at Miss Herrick. She tries to 
speak, and cqnnot. She makes a vague gesture 
toward the door.^ 

[54] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs, Dixon 

(Finding her voice at last.) 

That's her. That's the woman I told you about! 

Miss Herrick 

Mrs. Gordon! How incredible that seems. Who 
could have dreamed you two would meet here ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
That's her. 

Miss Herrick 

I'm sorry it's Mrs. Gordon. She's a well-known 
lobbyist. She's almost, if not quite, an adven- 
turess. She is said to be utterly unscrupulous. 
And she uses everybody that comes her way. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Did you notice her looks .? Did you take her all in, 

with her clothes and her talk and her manners and 

her soft voice ? 

(Mimics the other woman.) 

Your husband and I are good friends ! That's 

her! 

[55] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(She stands rigid for a moment, staring into space. 

Then, with an uncontrolled gesture, she throws up 

her arms, and looks wildly about her.^ 
My God! what chance have I got to get my husband 
away from a woman Hke that ? 
(She breaks down, sinks into her chair, and buries her 

face in her hands.) 
She's beat me already. I was beat before I come. 
But I didn't know it. 
(For a second Miss Herrick looks at her thoughtfully. 

Then she goes and stands beside her.) 

Miss Herrick 
(Incisively.) 

You Western people often use the word "quitter." 
What does it mean ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Turning quickly.) 
Quitter! It don't fit me. 

Miss Herrick 
(Quietly.) 
Doesn't it .? I'm glad. I began to think it did. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Well, have I got any chance against her ? Have I ? 

[56] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
Not if you are going to give up the game at the first 
bunker. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Tearfully.^ 

I dunno what a bunker is. But if it's something 
nasty she's it! 

Miss Herrick 
(With calculated directness.^ 

What are you going to do ? Make a fight for your 
husband } You may have a bigger fight before you 
than you expected. Did you hear her speak of that 
new National Park bill } 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Without interest.^ 

Yes. 

(She sees Miss Herrick's expression and adds:) 

What about it .? \ 

Miss Herrick 
(Thoughtfully.) 

I wonder if Senator Dixon realizes what sort Kirby 
and Mrs. Gordon are! Perhaps they're using him, 
I'm beginning to think — 
(She looks quizzically at Mrs. Dixon.) 

[57] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Yes, I think you* re going to have a busy summer. 
Have you braced up ? Are you ready for it ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Rising quickly.^ 
Yes. Let's start! 

(Miss Herrick returns to her desk and corrects her 
proofs, talking eagerly.^ 

Miss Herrick 
As soon as I've finished this work we'll take a taxi- 
cab and make the rounds. By to-morrow morning 
you will be in the hands of Miss Mulholland, Mrs. 
Dean, and Miss Jefferson. 

Mrs. Dixon 
That sounds all right. 

Miss Herrick 
Mrs. Dean will give you general information and 
polish. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Good ! 

Miss Herrick 
Miss Mulholland will make you into what she calls 
"a perfessional beauty." 

[58] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
I'm little, but I've got room for all the beauty she 
can put on me. 

Miss Herrick 
Miss Jefferson will teach you grammar and "place" 
your speaking voice. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Mercy! Where will she place it? 

Miss Herrick 
(Laughing^ 

Where it belongs — at a safe distance from your nose! 
But I wish we had more than seven months for work. 
This will be a race against time ! 

Mrs. Dixon 
{Enthusiastically.^ 

That's what it is — a race against time. But I've 
done the first thing I started out to do — I've got you 
to run the automobile ! And I know something about 
motors myself. I've cranked the car, shifted the 
gears, and pulled out the clutch. Jump in beside 
me and let her out? We won't touch nothing but 
the high places! 

curtain 



ACT II 



ACT II 

*' The great act without an actor P 

Time: — Five days later. 

Scene: — Madam O'Reilly s beauty parlors on Fifth 
Avenue. The scene shows three private booths, 
side by side (open compartments ^ with partitions 
between, but no doors), facing the audience. Cur- 
tains, on poles, are pushed to the side of the left and 
center booths, leaving the opening clear. Exits, 
right and left, lead to other departments of the 
*' parlors." In the right compartment sits a woman 
in an electric bath (curtains drawn apart at cue). 
When she is revealed her head alone shows. On the 
other side hang huge switches and collections of 
curls, puffs, and beauty apparatus in glass cases. 
The center compartment is occupied by Mrs. Dixon, 
who is engaged in having her nails manicured, her 
fingers massaged and '' tapered," and her com- 
plexion treated by Miss Mulholland, while Miss 
''Birdie" Smith, a typical hair-dresser, is con- 
structing an elaborate coiffure on her head. Miss 
[63] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Smith's task, which begins with the curling of the 
haiTy occupies almost the full time of the act. She 
dresses the hair carefully and thoroughly, and com- 
pletes the artistic structure on her " patient' s" head 
just before the final scene. There is no '^faking" 
in this act. Every detail of the beauty treatment is 
followed exactly as it is done in New York's most 
successful '^ beauty parlors." 

At the rear of the center compartment is a swinging 
door, u. c. exit. 

Mrs. Dixon IS covered from head to foot with a white 
linen garment, fastened with strings at the back of 
her neck. Her face is covered with '^ skin food." 
Her hair is hanging over her shoulders. She is 
unrecognizable until she speaks. Seated at the left 
column of the center booth is Miss Virginia Jefferson, 
a charming girl, whose task is to instruct the lady in 
the elemental rules of English grammar and the 
*' placing" of the speaking voice. She is having 
a shampoo and hair treatment. A hair "dryer" 
is in operation, blowing out her hair. Miss Mul- 
holland is holding Mrs. Dixon s hand and working 
on her nails. A small manicure-table stands be- 
tween her and Mrs. Dixon. On it are manicure 
instruments, rouge, finger-bowl, perfume, etc. A 
trim little maid in cap and apron waits on the 
[64] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

elegant assistants, handing them curling-irons, 
changing finger-bowls for the manicures, and other- 
wise making herself useful. In the booth, extreme 
left, sits Mrs. Dean having her nails manicured by 
Carrie Jones. The curtain rises very slowly on 
this busy scene. For half a minute no one speaks, 
though there is action all along the line. 

Miss Mulholland 
(Encouragingly, to Mrs. Dixon.) 
You got nice nails, natu'ally, Mrs. Dixon. Have 
them done every day for a few weeks, an' wear gloves 
every night. Then your hands will look fine. 

Mrs. Dixon 
All right. 

Miss Mulholland 
But keep the gloves on. Don't take them off at two 
o'clock in the mornin' an' throw them at the wall, like 
most ladies does. 

Mrs. Dixon 

They're ruinin' all the linen sheets and pillow-cases 
on my bed. 

5 [65] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 
What d' you care about the sheets. You live in a 
hotel, don't you ? They ain't your sheets ! Let the 
manager get peevish ! 
{She looks up and sees the hair-dresser tentatively 

trying the effect of a classic knot on .Mrs. Dixon s 

head.^ 
My, Birdie, that's goin' to be swell ! 

Miss Smith 
All she'll have on is one switch, an' a transformation, 
an' three puffs, an' a couple of curls, 

Mrs. Dixon 
Mercy! Ain't that enough for one woman to carry 
around .? 

Miss Jefferson 

Pardon me, Mrs. Dixon. Please say isnty not aint. 
And don't speak quite so loudly, 

Mrs. Dixon 
I will. I won't. 

Mrs. Dean 
(To Carrie Jones.^ 

Don't cut the cuticle, please, Miss Jones. 

[66] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Carrie Jones 

(To Mrs. Dean, as she busily cuts the cuticle.') 
An he says to me — 

Miss Smith 

You're lucky to have some hair of your own, Mrs. 
Dixon. Lots of ladies goes out o' here round-shoul- 
dered, they got so much false hair on. 
(Miss Herrick enters y accompanied by a manicure. 

She wears the little curls and lace jabot recommended 

by Miss Mulholland.) 



Miss Herric^ 
Good-morning, everybody ! 

Miss Mulholland 

How do, Miss Herrick .? Ain't Mrs. Dixon goin' to 
look fine ? If she'd leave us make her a Titian 
blonde you'd never know her. 
(Approvingly, noticing the change in Miss Herrick' s 

appearance.) 
Say, you look all right, too. Ain't your gentlemen 
friends more spontaneous now.? 

[67] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
Good-mornin', Miss Herrick. Fm makin' them do 
everything at once, 'cause time is so precious. I 
bring Miss Jefferson here, too, to correct my gram- 
mar. Will anything be left of me when they all get 
through ? 
(Miss Smith resumes the waving of Mrs. Dixon's 

hair. Smoke arises from each wave, with a strong 

hint of burning hair.) 

Miss Herrick 
You seem to be leading the strenuous life. Fm sure 
that coiffure will be charming, Mrs. Dixon. 
(To the manicure.) 

I will have my nails done right here, please. 
(They seat themselves at the right column of the center 

booth, and the manicure begins work on Miss 

Herrick' s hands.) 

Miss Smith 
Fm doin' my best for her, Miss Herrick. I stand off 
an' look at my subjeck like she was a picture. I say 
to myself, "Now, here's this lady. She's got a little 
head without much shape to it. She ain't got no 
height, nor dignity, nor looks to speak of, nor style. 
She's got to be made artistic'' I say. Art is the note 
for her. Then I go to work. 

[68] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Aggrieved.^ 
My goodness! Ain't she frank ? 

Miss Jefferson 
Pardon. Isn't she frank. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Yes, she is. 

Miss Jefferson 
I mean you must say isn't, not ain't, Mrs. Dixon. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Oh! 

Miss Smith 
There ain't nothin' — 
{She glances at Miss Jefferson^ 
There isnt nothing I know of more interesting than 
to work here an' make people look the way they 
never thought they could. Believe me, I'd ruther 
do it than paint pictures. 

Miss Mulholland 
Take it from me, it don't do'em no good. Mr. Freddy 
Belden says to me only the other mornin', "Miss 

[69] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Smith's an artist," he says. "Congress ought to give 
her a medal," he says, "for piHn' so much on the tops 
of women's heads that they dassent work the inside 
of them none," he says; "an' thus they become 
man's unresistin' prey." 
(Gloomily.^ 

That sounded awful, Birdie — just like you was 
startin' women on the downward path. 

Miss Smith 
Many a woman's been kept off the toboggan by a 
nice healthy interest in a new style of hair. Only the 
other day a lady came in here an' said she wanted 
to die. "I ain't got nuthin' to live for," she says. 
"Oh yes, you have," I says. "You ain't tried the 
new Sappho Knot." I wish you could 'a' seen her 
face light up! 

Miss Herrick 
Did she try it ? 

Miss Smith 
Did she .? I guess. When I got it all fixed she 
looked fine. "Is it death now ?" I says. "No," she 
says, an' her air was glad an' gay. "I'm goin' to 
wear this to the theater to-night," she says, "an' sit 

[70] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

exactly in front of my rival. Then perhaps she'll die 
instead." 

{Miss Mulholland sniffs. Mrs. Dixon, who has been 
regarding herself at different angles in a hand- 
mirror, breaks restively into the conversation.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
I s'pose that was a joke. It 'most always is a joke, 
when it sounds so terrible true. 

Miss Jefferson 
Pardon. Terribly true. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Yes, 'tis. 

Miss Jefferson 

I mean you must say terribly true, not terrible true. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Oh! Terribly, terribly, terribly true! 

(Mrs. Dixon sighs heavily. Miss Mulholland fin- 
ishes the nails, wipes the skin food from Mrs. 
Dixon s face, and massages it carefully. Then she 
fills a bowl with boiling water, and dips a cloth into 
it. She next proceeds to ^' steam" her complexion 
by wringing out the hot cloth and laying it over her 
face. Mrs. Dixon gasps.) 
[71] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dean 
(To Came Jones.) 
I don't like the nails quite so pointed. Miss Jones. 

Carrie Jones 

(To Mrs. Dean, ignoring this expression of preference.) 
An' I drew myself up an' I give him one look, just 
like that — 
(She glares at Mrs. Dean.) 

Miss Herrick 

(To Miss Smith.) 

You must have some interesting experiences here. 

Miss Smith and Miss Mulholland 

(In unison.) 

Interestin' experiences ! 

(They drop their work, open their lips to speak, lean 

forward expressively, then, remembering something, 

exchange glances, and stop.) 

Miss Smith 

(Pursing her lips primly.) 
The manager don't permit us to discuss 'em. 

[72] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 
(Thoughtfully, standing hack to study her "patient.''^) 
Miss Herrick, do you think we ought to "skin" her ? 

Miss Herrick 
(Hastily.^ 

Good heavens, no! I don't think her complexion 

needs such heroic treatment! 

Miss Mulholland 
(Reluctantly — touching parts of Mrs. Dixon s face 

with her forefinger.^ 
Well, mebbe it don't. Mebbe them little brown 
spots is only liver. We'll try the steam /rj^, anyway. 
(She gets the steaming cloth and smooths it tightly over 

Mrs. Dixon s features.^ 

Miss Smith 
(Irritably.^ 

Say, Clarice, do me a favor. Remember that Vm 
doin' somethin' to this patient, too. 

Miss Mulholland 
All right, Birdie. 
(^Soothingly. ^ 

Keep your Psyche Knot on. 

[73] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(To Miss JeffersoUy aside.) 

My, how sensitive we are when we got the artistic 

temper' ment! 

(She removes the cloth, showing Mrs. Dixdn's face, 
parboiled in appearance. Mrs. Dixon groans. 
Miss Mulholland continues the steaming, doing it 
six or eight times, stepping aside at intervals to give 
place to Miss Smith, who is still waving Mrs. 
Dixon s hair with her hot irons.) 

Mrs. Dean 
You're touching the quick, Miss Jones. That hurts! 

Carrie Jones 
(To Mrs. Dean.) 
An' I says to him, I says, "S-i-r-r-r — " 

Miss Smith 
(Dreamily.) 

Waves does take time. I know the man that invented 
the permanent natural wave in women's hair. He 
puts something sticky on it. He charges fifty dollars 
for doin' it. 

Miss Jefferson 
Doesn't it spoil the hair ? 

[74] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Smith 
(Though tfu II y . ) 

Well, sometimes, of course, when it burns up. But 
he don't charge nothin' when that happens. 

Miss Mulholland 
I know a man that blows up the skin in women's 
faces, and then fills the hollows with pa.r-3.-feen. He 
done it to a friend of mine. Her own mother didn't 
know her that night when she went home. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Eagerly.) 
Was she improved ? 

Miss Mulholland 
I dunno. Her young man give her one look when he 
seen her, and then he went out an' sent her a pillow 
with "Rest in Peace" on it. 



Miss Herrick 



(^Laughing.) 
Did she ? 



Miss Mulholland 
Yes, in peace from him. He never come no more. 
An' her face looked so terrible she couldn't go out 
for weeks. So I guess she had to rest. 

[75] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(Soothingly, to Mrs. Dixon.) 

Now I'll massage your face with cold cream. Then 

you'll feel better. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Gloomily.) 
I couldn't feel no worse. 

Miss Jefferson 
Pardon. Any worse. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Any worse. 
(Thoughtfully.') 

I couldn't feel any worse. It don't sound as strong 
as no worse. When I feel this bad I want to say so! 
(To Miss Smith.) 
Ain't my hair burnin' ? 

Miss Smith 
(Cheerfully.) 
Oh no; that's on'y the oil! 

Miss Jefferson 

Isnt my hair burning.? Don't say "ainf." 

[76] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 

Ain't — isn't — ain't — isnt. 

(pliss Mulholland seizes a jar of cold-crearn, takes 
large quantities of it, and puts it on Mrs. Dixon s 
face, rubbing it carefully into the pores.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
Oh, ain't this awful! 

Miss Jefferson 
Pardon. Isn't this awful. 

Mrs. Dixon 

(JFith conviction.) 

Yes, 'tis. No, it isn't. 

(A puff of smoke rises.) 

Yes, 'tis! 

(To Miss Mulholland.) 

Ugh! I've swallowed some of that cream! 

Miss Mulholland 
(Coldly.) 
Well, don't. That jar's most gone. 

Mrs. Dean 

(To Carrie Jones, in hopeless accents.) 
Now, you have cut my finger! 

in] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Carrie Jones 

(To Mrs. Dean, ignoring this painful incident.^ 

I says to him, " 'Tis true I'm a workin' girl," I says — 

Miss Mulholland 

(Indicating Carrie by a nod in her direction.^ 

If the things she thinks happened to her really did 

happen some publisher would put a binding on her! 

Miss Smith 
An' then she'd be suppressed! 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Reviving when Miss Mulholland interrupts her ef- 
forts for a moment?) 
I wish you'd tell me somethin', Miss Herrick. I 
went to the Ritz the other afternoon for tea. Mrs. 
Dean took me, and I seen — 

Miss Jefferson 

(Correcttngly.^ 

Pardon. Saw! Speak a little more softly, Mrs. 

Dixon, please. 

[78] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 

{In a sibilant whisper?) 

I saw lots of women put their elbows on the tables. 

Why was they doin' that .? 

Miss Jefferson 
Were they. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Were they. Mrs. Dean won't let me do it, and I 
ain't — 

Miss Jefferson 
Haven't. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Haven't had 'em on since I come. But if it was 
wrong, like she says — 

Miss Jefferson 
As she said. 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Emphati cally?) 
As she said. 

(To Miss Herrick, aside.) 

She has to correct me like this every blessed minute, 
'cause we ain't got any time to lose. I get pretty 

[79] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

sick of it, but it's got to be done. Now, if it was 
wrong, why was they — 

Miss Jefferson 
Were, were. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Were, were they doin' it .? 

Miss Herrick 
Possibly they didn't know any better. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Oh yes, they did! They was society women. 

Miss Jefferson 
(Firmly^ 

Were society women. Lower your voice a trifle, 
please, Mrs. Dixon. 

Mrs. Dixon 
She'll have my voice in my shoes before she gets 
through. 

(She extends her feet.^ 

There ain't room there for it, either. Three sizes 
smaller than I'm used to! 

[80] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 
(Darkly surveying the cloth with which she has wiped 

the cream off Mrs. Dixon's face?) 
Ladies that thinks they got clean faces ought to look 
at the cloth after rubbing off this cream. What soap 
d' ye use ? 

Mrs. Dean 
Miss JoneSj that finger is still bleeding! 

Carrie Jones 
(To Mrs. Dean.) 
"Young lady/' he says, and tears was in his voice — 

The Lady in the Electric Bath 
(Shrilly [back of the curtain, right\) 
Miss Mulholland! I think I'm going to die! 

Miss Mulholland 
(Pushing hack the curtain on the right arch and going 

to her.) 
Oh no, you ain't. If they went that easy lots more 
women would be dead. 

The Lady in the Electric Bath 
I feel so nervous ! You know I'm here partly for my 
nerves. 

6 [8i] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 
Well, you won't have no nerves after you get through. 
Any nerves! 

(She nods toward Miss Jefferson.') 
She'll have us all perfect before she gets through! 
{She turns a screw or two, gives the patient a drink of 
water, and comes back to Mrs. Dixon.) 

Miss Jefferson 
You were speaking of manners, Mrs. Dixon. When 
I was graduated at the convent I had the most charm- 
ing manners of any girl in my set, but I had to drop 
them the first year. They embarrassed people too 
much. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Dazed.) 
Why did they .? 

Miss Jefferson 

Nobody else had any. But they thought they had 
to live up to me, and it was a frightful strain. So I 
came down to them, and we were all more com- 
fortable. Now, if you will excuse me, I will have 
my facial massage. 
(To Miss Herrick.) 

Will you correct her grammar while Fm gone } 

[82] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
She will not. I'm goin' to have a rest. 
{She looks after Miss Jefferson as that young lady 

goes out.) 
Oh, my — ain't this a relief! I'd make every blessed 
mistake there is now if I could think of 'em all ! 

Miss Mulholland 
Next we'll put on the ice-pack. That's real exhila- 
. ratin', an' it closes all the pores. 
{She takes a bowl of cracked ice, makes a poultice of 

the ice on a cloth, and applies it to Mrs. Dixon s 

face.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
(With chattering teeth.) 
Ow-w-w! Wow! That's freezin' me! 

Miss Herrick 
{With an obvious desire to divert her mind.) 
What is Mrs. Dean doing with you now .? What is 
your daily routine ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
She has me read a leadin' New York newspaper every 
morning so I'll be well informed an* intelligent. 

[83] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
Capital! That's the way to begin. 

Mrs. Dixon 

I read the newspaper in bed, while I'm havin* break- 
fast. Mrs. Dean comes at ten o'clock 'an' we talk 
over the news. I tell her all my thoughts, and she 
tells me whether they mean anything. 

Miss Herrick 
Do they .? 

Mrs. Dixon 

No! Then I come here every day to get these things 
done. After that it's dinner-time — I mean luncheon. 
(To Miss Smith.) 
You got your hull weight on one hair in my head! 

Miss Smith 
Excuse me. I'm most finished. 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Wearily.) 
So am II 

[84] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

The Lady in the Electric Bath 

(Earnestly.^ 

Miss Mul-hol-land ! I know one foot's paralyzed. I 

can't feel a thing! 

Miss Mulholland 

(Going to her.) 

What you complainin' of, then ? Some ladies feels 
awful in there. Control yourself. D'you know any 
po'try .? Sometimes that helps, if you say it to 
yourself. 

(She turns some more screws, pats the patient on the 
heady and returns to Mrs. Dixon.) 

Miss Herrick 
What do you do after luncheon ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
I take a nap to gain flesh. Mrs. Harwood says I got 
to gain ten pounds to make my figger right. Then 
we go for a drive in the Park an' look at the other 
women. 

Miss Herrick 
That must be pleasant. 

[85] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
It's too discouraging. The other women know so 
much. An' they show everything they know. 

Miss Herrick 
Yes, it's all in the show-case, and the sign is up. 

Mrs. Dixon 
I ain't even got the show-case yet. But I'm havin' 
the sign painted — that's one sure thing. 

Miss Herrick 
Miss Mulholland's doing that. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Of course Miss Jefferson is with me the hull time. 
An' whenever I open my mouth she just about 
jumps into it, correctin' my mistakes, an' raisin' and 
lowerin' my voice like it was an elevator. 

Miss Herrick 

(Sympathetically.^ 

That's very important, you know. 

Mrs. Dixon 
I guess I know it. You don't think I'd stand it a 

[86] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

minute if't wa'n't important. But I do stand it! I 

got to have culture! 

Miss Herrick 
You must be patient. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Yearningly.^ 

I wish I could learn how to look bored. That's awful 
important, too. You see, if you can look at other 
women like they was dust under your feet that makes 
them feel like dust. Then you're on top! But I 
can't look bored to save my life. New York's one 
long movin'-picture show to me! 

Miss Herrick 
You're lucky not to have to reduce your weight. I 
lived on buttermilk for six weeks last winter trying to 
lose ten pounds. 

(At the words everybody stops work on the instant and 
shows intense interest. Even the Lady in the 
electric hath forgets her sufferings and inclines her 
head to listen. Mrs. Dean cranes her head around 
the side of her booth. Everybody forgets Mrs. 
Dixon. Carrie Jones alone remains wholly ob- 
livious of interests other than her own.^ 
[87] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Smith 

(Excitedly, approaching Miss Herrick?) 

I tried that, too, but it didn't do any good. I gained 

eight pounds. Now Fm Hvin' on six crackers a day. 

Miss Mulholland 

(^Joining themy and speaking with unusual animation.^ 
That's the way to do it. There's only one good rule. 
Don't eat any food with your meals. I ain't had 
enough to eat since last spring. Fm takin' the lemon 
cure now: one lemon the first day, two lemons the 
second day, three lemons the third day, four lemons 
the fourth — 

Miss Smith 

And ten lemons the tenth day. I tried it. It don't 
work. The best plan is: don't let yourself be com- 
fort'ble for one minute. If you're sleepy, wake up. 
If you're sittin' down, get up. If you're dead tired, 
go and walk five miles. I know a girl that lost 
twenty pounds that way. 
(Thoughtfully.^ 

She's in a sanitarium now. She thinks she's Theo- 
dore Roosevelt! 

[88] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

The Lady in the Electric Bath 
Tve got ten yards of rubber wrapped around me this 
minute under my sheet. 

Miss Mulholland 
(Hastily.^ 
Here, don't wriggle out of it. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Mrs. Dean says the best way to reduce your hips is 
to get down on the floor and roll — fifty times every 
mornin' and fifty times every night. But where's a 
fat woman goin' to roll in a flat .? Don't let's talk 
about gettin' thin. When women start on that sub- 
ject every other interest in life goes back an' sets 
down. 

(She waves it away. The girls laugh and- resume 
their work.) 

The Lady in the Electric Bath 
(Firmly.) 
"A soldier of the Legion lay dying in Algiers — " 

Mrs. Dixon 
What's she doin' ? Is her mind goin' ? 

[89] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 

Never mind her. She's takin' her first. Now Fm 
goin' to use a nice mild astringent on your face. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Mercy! what's that.? 

(Warningly.^ 

Don't you take the skin off ! 

Miss Mulholland 

It's for the pores. The ice closes the pores, an' the 
astringent keeps 'em closed. 
(Gazing earnestly.^ 

My, I can just see them pores shut up! 
(She applies the astringent delicately with a cloth and 
a light touch.) 

The- Lady in the Electric Bath 

(Gazing into space.) 

"There was lack of woman's nursing, there was 

dearth of woman's tears." 

Mrs. Dixon 

That woman makes me nervous. You don't think 
she is dying, do you ? 

[ 90 ] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

The Lady in the Electric Bath 
I'll stand this till I count fifty. One, two, three, four, 
five, six — 

(She goes on counting inaudibly, with expressive 
facial pantomime.^ 

Miss Herrick 
She's all right. What do you do when you get back 
from the Park .? 

Mrs. Dixon 

I read till five o'clock with Mrs. Dean. She gives 
me my lesson then, on the elements. 

Miss Herrick 
The elements ? What elements ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
The elements of knowledge, Mrs. Dean calls 'em. 
Who are our best authors .? What have they written ? 
Bridge. Our fav'rite composers. Wagner. The 
modern drama, an' does it mean anything .? 
(Drearily^ 

She says a woman that don't know the elements 
might as well be dead. 

[91] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
I'm afraid she's right. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Brightening.^ 

I'm learning them. We talk about them all through 
supper — dinner, I mean — when she ain't tellin' me 
which fork to use, an' how to keep my shoulders up, 
an' not to forget my napkin, an' to eat slow, like I 
wasn't hungry. 
(To Miss Smithy jumping.^ 
Ouch! That hot iron's layin' right on my scalp. 

Miss Smith 
Excuse me. 
(Expansively?) 

I got one patient that don't never feel burns — but the 
doctors thinks there's somethin' the matter with her. 

The Lady in the Electric Bath 
Forty-nine, fifty! 
(Miss Mulholland goes to her.) 

Now, I'll stand it till I've repeated a poem. =- 

"The boy stood on the burning deck, whence all but 

him had fled." 
Miss Mul-hol-land ! It's like pins and needles now! 

[92] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 
All right. If you can't stand it any longer I'll let you 
out. 

{She opens the case and releases the victim, who is 
robed in a sheet?) 

The Lady 

(Coming forward and lifting first one foot, then the 

other.^ 
Oh, oh ! Are my feet still there ? 

Miss Mulholland 
(Patting her back.) 

Yes, you've got them yet. Come on. You can't 
dance here! 

The Lady 

I feel so strange! 

Miss Mulholland 
You'll feel queer for a week or two; but don't mind 
that. As soon as you get over it come again. 
(Exit both.) 

Miss Herrick 
Thank heaven she's gone. She was getting on my 
nerves. 

[93] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(To Mrs. Dixon^ 

Of course Mrs. Dean lets you rest in the evening ? 



Mrs. Dixon 

Not much! We go to see a play or hear a concert 
or something to develop my mind. I would enjoy 
that if she'd leave me alone to listen to the music an' 
think of home. But she don't. It's "Strauss wrote" 
this, an' "Wagner wrote" that, an' "pronounce De- 
bussey again," till I'm just about sick. 

Miss Herrick 
I believe you're ready to give it all up. 

Mrs. Dixon 

No, I ain't. I want to have the satisfaction of 

speakin' right out once, without gettin' stopped and 

corrected. Thank heaven Virginia Jefferson's off 

the job for a minute. 

{Looking around apprehensively .^ 

She ain't coming back yet, is she ? 

Miss Herrick 

No, let yourself go ! 

[94] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
I want to say I'm so sick of that parcel of women 
up to my rooms that I have horrid dreams about 'em 
at night. Mercy! I hope they ain't heard me! Mrs. 
Dean's around here somewhere. 
{She stops short, then continueSy reassured.^ 
I feel better since I've said it. But I ain't goin* to 
give up, now nor never. 

Miss Herrick 
That's right. Never say die. 
(To the manicure.^ 
Have you finished ^ 

(The manicure nods, gathers up her materials, and 
they rise.^ 

Miss Herrick 
(To Mrs. Dixon.) 

I'm going to try the new Sappho knot. I hope no 
one will send me a floral pillow after one look 
at it. 
(She and the manicure go out together.) 

Carrie Jones 
(Confidentially, to Mrs. Dean.) 
An' I wish you could of seen him c-r-r-awl away. 

[95] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dean 
It's very interesting, Miss Jones. But aren't you for- 
getting about my nails .? 
(Enter Miss Mulholland, who catches the last remark 

and stops. Birdie Smith is finishing her work on 

Mrs. Dixon s hair.^ 

Miss Mulholland 
How d'ye do, Mrs. Dean! 

Mrs. Dean 

Good-morning, Miss Mulholland. 

[Miss Mulholland takes Mrs. Deans hand, looks at 
her nails with critical attention, and frowns mean- 
ingly at Carrie Jones.^ 

Miss Mulholland 
(7*0 Carrie.^ 

Guess you'll have to do those nails again, Carrie. 
I'll give you an encore on them. 
(To Mrs. Dean, as she leans against the column at 

her left and watches the work.) 
Carrie makes me think of a man she and I knew 
once. Remember Willie Hicks, Carrie } He sold 
perfumery. He used to give a bottle to every girl 
he knew. The way they crowded round! You 
couldn't tell Willie from a bargain counter. 

[96] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Carrie Jones 
(Trying to take an unpleasant incident in a philosophic 

way.) 
Yes, girls liked Willie, didn't they ? 

Miss Mulholland 
They liked the perfumery, but Willie thought it was 
him they liked. And no wonder! A bottle of per- 
fumery with every introduction to Willie! Why, 
girls in Yonkers and Pleasantville sent Willie Hicks 
notes. 

Carrie Jones 
(Suspiciously.) 
Say, Clarice, when does the point come in ^ 

Miss Mulholland 
Finally Willie didn't have time to work. It was just 
parties and picnics and trolley rides with him. 
"Clarice," he says, "I can't stand this much longer. 
I'm the popular idol. I'm going the pace that kills. 
It's too much for any man. I must have a rest," he 
says. Then he got it. He lost his job. 

Carrie Jones 
(Haughtily.) 

Miss Mulholland, is there anything personal in your 
remarks ^ 

7 [97] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 
Nothin' at all, Carrie. All the girls faded away, and 
you couldn't find Willie with a microscope. "Clar- 
ice," he says, "I could stand this terrible lonesome- 
ness if it wasn't for the perfumery. Every little 
while I pass a girl that's got some on," he says, "an' 
memories come thick an' fast. Oh! but this world 
is fickle," he says. "What does it care now for 
Hobson an' Dewey an' Roosevelt an' me .? Why," 
he says, "even Carrie Jones might lose her job and 
be forgot some day!" 
(Mrs. Dean laughs. Miss Jones tosses her head.) 

Miss Mulholland 
(^Returning to Mrs. Dixon's side.) 
Now I'll do your eyebrows. 
(^She resumes work. Mrs. Gordon enters, glances into 

the first booth, recognizes Mrs. Dean and greets her 

joyfully.) 

Mrs. Gordon 
Isabel Dean! What luck to find you here! 

Mrs. Dean 
(Offering her disengaged hand, but not rising and not 
overjoyed.) 

[98] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Why, Helen! I haven't seen you for ages. Three 
years, isn't it ? 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Drawing off her gloves.^ 
All of that. Can I get another manicure ? 

Carrie Jones 
I'm afraid not. I guess every one's gone to lunch. 

Mrs. Dean 
You can have Missjones in five minutes. She serves 
a slice of the Tenderloin with every manicure treat- 
ment! 

Carrie Jones 
{Stiffly.) 

Sorry, but my lunch-time is exactly half-past twelve. 
I'll try to get you another young lady when I finish 
Mrs. Dean's nails. 

Mrs. Gordon • 

(To Came Jones.) 

Thank you. I won't insist on the slice. 

(To Mrs. Dean.) 

What are you doing now .? 

(She sits down to wait.) 

[99] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dean 
Something very interesting. I'm making over a 
crude little Western woman into a vision of beauty 
and grace. We come here every day, and I coach 
her between times. 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Languidly.^ 

Why don't these little Western women stay in the 
West, where there's more room ? 

Mrs. Dean 
Are they crowding you ? 

Mrs. Gordon 
One of them is trying to ! 

Mrs. Dean 
If she is like my little woman she'll have you in a 
corner in no time, with your back to the wall. I've 
never met such quickness and cleverness. 

Birdie Smith 
(To Mrs. Dixon ^ 

This coy-fur makes you look like a society woman 
with a dash of the high-brow. 

[ 100 ] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 

Now I'll show you how to put these plasters on. 
You must wear 'em nights. 

Mrs. Dean 

(To Mrs. Gordon^ 

I suppose you are still in Washington, with your 

finger in some political pie. 

Mrs. Gordon 

Yes. It's a big pie this time — and a rather hot one! 
But the handsomest man I know is helping me to 
pull it out of the political oven. 

Mrs. Dean 

A hot political pie. M-m-m. I remember hearing 
the other day that you are interested in the Kirby 
bill. Is that it ? 

Mrs. Gordon 
That is it. 

Mrs. Dean 
Then it is hot! Who is your cat's-paw this time ? 

[lOl] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Lightly.^ 

I don't quite like the way you put it, Isabel. How- 
ever, the Senator from Oklahoma might answer your 
unflattering description. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(To Miss Smith, almost under her breath^ 
Did you hear that } 

Miss Smith 
(Without interest?) 

Something about some man, I s'pose. It always is. 
(Professionally.^ 

You can sleep on that hair three nights — if you lay 
on your face and don't turn over. But you must 
wear this veil. Otherwise, it takes the freshness out. 
(She puts a sheer veil turhan-fashion around the 
coiffure.^ 

Mrs. Dixon 
I should think it would take your freshness out — 
to lay on your face three nights! 

Miss Smith 
Not out of you. Out of the hair, I meant. With a 

[ 102 ] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

coy-fur like that a lady can stand anything. Good- 

mornin*. 

(Exit Miss Smith. ^ 

Mrs. Dean 
Helen, you're playing a very dangerous game. 
Have you forgotten what was said about you and 
Senator Traynor in connection with the Wilcox bill .? 
I hoped that experience would teach you a lesson. 

Mrs. Gordon 
Calm yourself, my dear. Emotion is bad for the 
complexion. 

Carrie Jones 
That's all, Mrs. Dean. 
(Mrs. Dean rises and pays her.) 
Good-morning. 
(To Mrs. Gordon.) 

I'll tell Madam you want the first manicure that 
comes in. 

(Carrie Jones goes out. Mrs. Dean takes her hat and 
wrap from the hook where they hang.) 

Mrs. Dean 

You know I'm not prudish, but surely you realize 
that people are talking about you frightfully. ^ 

[ 103 ] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

{Impulsively.^ 

Helen ! Why don't you drop it all ? 

Mrs. Gordon 

I will, soon. First I'm going to do something that 

will make the gossips stop from sheer exhaustion. 

{Deliberately.^ 

I'm going to be married. 

Mrs. Dean 

My dear — I'm glad. Matrimony will at least anchor 
you. 

Mrs. Gordon 
Don't commit yourself. 
{Laughing impishly.^ 

There are two persons I am sure will never approve 
of my marriage — you and the man's wife. 
{Mrs. Dean stares at her; then, in silent hut eloquent 

disapproval, she puts on her hat and veil before the 

mirror.^ 

Mrs. Dixon 

{Sibilantly.) 

I know that voice ! 

[104] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 

She comes here often. Now I'll put on the chin-strap 
for a little while. 

(They listen to what follows. Miss Mulholland puts 
chin-straps and wrinkle-plasters on Mrs. Dixon s 
face.) 

Mrs. Dean 

(Turning to face Mrs. Gordon after putting on her 

hat.) 
Helen, I don't understand you — and I don't want to. 
Good-bye. 
(She starts toward the door.) 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Rising.) 

One moment, Isabel. I'm not hard to understand. 
No woman is who is alone in the world and poor, but 
with big ambitions. She wants money and power 
and the man who can give them to her. If he hap- 
pens to be married to a woman who is a drag and a 
burden to him I think she is justified in helping him 
to remove that burden, for his sake as well as her 
own. 

[105] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dean 
(^Ironically.) 

By cold steel, I suppose — as you seem to stop at 
nothing ! 

Mrs. Gordon 

Oh no! By the painless process of our paternal 
divorce system. That's the modern method. 
(Mrs. Dean makes a brusque movement of disapproval.) 
Good-bye; I'll send you our wedding-cards. 

Mrs. Dean 

Don't take the trouble. This is good-bye, Helen. 

(Exit Mrs. Dean.) 

Miss Mulholland 

(To Mrs. Dixon.) 

Now you set here and rest awhile. Then I'll come 

back and take off those straps, 

Mrs. Dixon 

The electric bath is the only thing I've escaped to-day. 
I suppose you'll have me in that to-morrow. 

[io6] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 
Yes. You'd better learn some poetry to-night. 
(Exit Miss Mulholland, up center, through the swing- 
ing door?) 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Going forward and glancing into Mrs. Dixon s com- 
partment.^ 
I beg your pardon. I thought I heard Miss Mul- 
holland speak. 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Springing to her feet and facing her, all her pent-up 
anger and suffering breaking forth at sight of her 
rival.^ 

So-o ! It's you, is it ^ No wonder I knew your voice ! 

Now I understand what you're up to! 

(Mrs. Gordon recoils under the shock of the unex- 
pected onslaught. She recovers herself immediately 
and gazes at the grotesque figure before her. Mrs. 
Dixon still wears the apron and veil, and her face is 
covered by the chin-strap and the wrinkle-plasters.^ 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Icily.) 

Are you asking me to believe that some one I know 
is concealed under this extraordinary disguise '^. 

[107] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Cuttingly.^ 

No one you know. Only the burden you say you're 
goin' to get rid of. 

Mrs. Gordon 
It's the lady from Oklahoma ! 
(^Looking about apprehensively.^ 

For heaven's sake, don't make a scene in this public 
place. 

Mrs. Dixon 
You oughta thought about that when you talked me 
over a few minutes ago. 'Twas as public then as 
'tis now. 

Mrs. Gordon 
(^Disdainfully.^ 

Why should you think I was speaking of your hus- 
band ? No names were mentioned, Mrs. Dixon. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Are you makin' a collection of husbands ? 

Mrs. Gordon 

{Pulling herself together.^ 
Suppose it was your husband! 

[io8] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(Insolently.^ 

As you seem to have listened, you may remember 
that I said the wife would not approve of my plan. 
You don't, do you ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
Fm no match for you. I know that. Fm just a poor, 
misguided fool. I oughta had sense enough to stay 
home, where I belong. 

Mrs. Gordon 
I quite agree with you. 
(She glances about again, apprehensively. Seeing the 

place wholly deserted, she recovers her expression of 

sang froid.^ 

Mrs. Dixon 
Now Fm here, I stay. D'ye hear me.? I — stay! 
And you got to reckon with me in this plan of yours. 

Mrs. Gordon 
H-m-m. That's very interesting. Do you mean 
that you're going to fight the divorce .? 

Mrs. Dixon 
Fm goin' to fight the divorce, an' you, an' Joe Dixon, 
too, if I got to. You can be mighty sure of that. 

[109] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 

It's well we have the place to ourselves for this dis- 
cussion. You primitive women are so excitable. 
However, as we're here, I have something to say to 
you. 

{Sternly.^ 
Sit down. 
(She indicates a chair.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
I won't. 
(She draws back.) 

Mrs. Gordon 

Very well. I will. 

(She sits down.) 

Perhaps you'll change your mind. I'm going to talk 

to you as if you were a rational human being instead 

of a grotesque virago. If you could look at this 

matter from the standpoint of a woman of the world — 

Mrs. Dixon 

From your standpoint, you mean. Well, I can't. 
We don't know much about your standpoint out 
where I come from. 

[no] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 

Naturally. I don't expect miracles. Let us say 
from the standpoint of ordinary common sense. 
Here is the situation : You are married to a man who 
no longer loves you. He has developed. You have 
not. He has brains. You have not. He is climbing 
upward in life. He has Outstripped you at every 
point. He doesn't want you. He wants his free- 
dom. Why not be wise and let him have it ? 

Mrs. Dixon 

Because he don't know what he does want. I've 
always known what was good for Joe Dixon better 
than he knew himself. I know it better now. 

Mrs. Gordon 

The cold facts are that you are clinging to a man who 
wants to get away. You can hold him by force for 
a time, but not long. Make a virtue of necessity and 
accept the inevitable. The world respects a wife 
who meets that situation with dignity. 

Mrs. Dixon 

What does the world think of a woman who steals 
another woman's husband ? 

[Ill] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Wearily.^ 

There you go again, rushing into hysterics. You 
should be a heroine of melodrama. 
(Patronizingly?) 

Can't you reahze that you will never accomplish 
anything until you learn to keep your temper '^. Do 
you imagine you're impressive now, acting as you act 
and looking as you look? You're inexpressibly 
ridiculous ! 
(She rises.^ 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Dully, her passion spent, sinking into a chair as she 

speaks.^ 
I guess you're right about that. 

Mrs. Gordon 

Come now, Mrs. Dixon, be sensible. I'm not en- 
joying this talk. But since you began it, I'd like to 
come to some understanding. 
(Urgently?) 
Will you give Senator Dixon his freedom } 

Mrs. Dixon 

Never! 

[112] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
Then he'll take it. 

Mrs. Dixon 

He can't get it! Joel Dixon's got no cause to divorce 
me. I'd like to see him try it among our folks out in 
Oklahoma that knows all I done for him. I've made 
that man what he is. He don't know it, but they 
do. Joe thinks I can't help him now in Washington. 
Well, I can't. But I've gone down into the mines 
with him, and I've rode on the trail with him, and I've 
froze with him, and I've starved with him. I've 
nursed him when he was ravin' with fever, and there 
wasn't a doctor within sixty miles. I've fed him 
with the last we had, when he didn't know it was the 
last. I've loved him all his life. I love him still. 
He's mine, and I'll keep him. 

Mrs. Gordon 
You're hopeless. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Rising.^ 

It's more than Joe you want, too. You want him as 
your tool, to work your schemes. I heard you talk to 
Mrs. Dean in there. You can't have him. I'll get 
on your track. I know our other Senator and our 
s [113] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Congressman. They'll introduce me around. I'll 
find out what you did to that man Traynor and what 
you're scheming to do to Joe now. 

Mrs. Gordon 
{Losing her temper at last.) 
Try it. I'll teach you a lesson. 
{More calmly.) 

So it's war, is it .? Then sharpen your weapons. 
You will need them. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Don't you worry. I'll use them. 

Mrs. Gordon 
{Ironically.) 
What do you use I Rapiers ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
{Dully.) 

I dunno what rapiers is. Axes is more in my line. 

Mrs. Gordon 
{Laughing.') 

Oh, don't use axes! Try to be content with a little 
hatchet. 

{Mrs. Gordon leaves. As she goes Mrs. Dean returns 
through the opposite door.) 
[114] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Turning toward Mrs. Dean^ 

Oh, Mrs. Dean, I've just made a fool of myself! 
Why did God let me do it ? He made women and 
He made idiots, and I suppose sometimes He can't 
tell 'em apart Himself! 

Mrs. Dean 
What have you done ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
I'm not fit to be left alone yet. You ought to watch 
me every minute. I can't take things the way New 
York women do. I ain't been here long, but I've 
heard them talk. 
(Artificially.^ 

"George lost every cent we had last week." 
(Lightly:) 

" I suppose we'll all be in the poor-house next week." 
(Desperately :) 

I can't talk or act like that when things happen. My 
God! When I'm down, I'm down. 

Mrs. Dean 
One of the things I intend to teach you is not to let 
people know when you are down. That's Life's 
primer lesson in self-control. 

["5] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
Teach me quick. I need It, And tell me some- 
thing else. Am I making any headway .? Do I know 
anything ? Do I act as if I did ? 

Mrs. Dean 

You have done all you could do in these few days. 
You have improved enormously in looks, though I 
admit you don't show it now. Take off those things. 
Let me see the effect this morning. 
{Mrs. Dixon goes to the mirror and looks at herself.^ 

Mrs. Dixon 

And that Mulholland woman left me looking like 
this! 

{She tears off the plasters, the chin-strap, and the veil. 
Last of all she swiftly removes the big apron and 
stands revealed transformed. Her coiffure is won- 
derfully he coming. Her complexion is dazzling. 
Her gown is perfect in style and fit. She revolves 
slowly before Mrs. Dean, who nods with satisfac- 
tion.^ 

Mrs. Dean 

Well done, little pupil! 

[ii6] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Returning to the mirror.^ 

Yes, I look all right. As long as I keep my mouth 

shut I am all right. 

(She revolves before the mirror.^ 

My figure's pretty good. It's the new corsets and the 

fit of this dress. My color is better, too. All ain't 

lost while a woman's complexion lasts. 

Mrs. Dean 

You should be satisfied. You have started out to do 
certain things. The mirror shows you have accom- 
plished a transformation. Check that off your list. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Nodding.^ 

I've done it in five days. Of course I ain't exactly 
done it, but I have it all on! And I've got you and 
Miss Herrick to help me with the other things. 
I've got to begin on them quick. Will I slip back 
if I go to Washington for a few weeks .? 
(An inspiration strikes her.) 

I'll take you with me! I can't afford to lose one 
minute of culture. 

[117] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dean 
Wisdom is not dead, even in Washington. 

Mrs. Dixon 

What's the hot pohtical pie you and Mrs. Gordon 
talked about a few minutes ago ? 

Mrs. Dean 
(Lightly.^ 

The Kirby bill .? I'm afraid you wouldn't under- 
stand that. Politics come later in your course. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Try me. 

Mrs. Dean 

The Kirby bill is probably a prettily disguised grab 
bill. I'm told that Senator Kirby has bought 
thousands of acres of waste land, full of malaria, 
at three dollars an acre. He's trying to sell them 
to the government for a pleasure park at one hun- 
dred dollars an acre. He will pocket a million or so, 
and divide the rest among philanthropic statesmen 
who helped him to put the bill through. That's all 
there is to it. 

[ii8] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
That's enough. 

Mrs. Dean 
Senator Kirby calls it conservation. 

Mrs. Dixon 
I know a better name for it. What's goin' to happen 
to the man that pulls that pie out of the oven .? 

Mrs. Dean 
He's apt to get his fingers burned. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Then I must try to keep him from pullin' it out — if 
he'll listen to me. He's my husband. 

Mrs. Dean 

My dear — 

Mrs. Dixon 
You didn't know Mrs. Gordon's talk was about me, 
did you .? You didn't know my husband was the 
Senator from Oklahoma .? Don't worry. I can 
handle Mrs. Gordon. Do you know why .? Not 
because I'm jealous. Not because I know anything. 
But because there's a love in me that's a whole lot 
bigger than I am. 

[119] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dean 

(Grasping the situation.^ 

I am so sorry! I didn't understand — 

Mrs. Dixon 
Course you didn't. I want you to understand now. 
I've given Joe Dixon all he wanted all his life. Do 
you think I ain't big enough to give him his freedom 
too if that would make him happy ? I am. I 
could do it, and be happy doing it, if it was for his 
good. But freedom ain't what Joe needs. It would 
be the worst thing he could have. 

Mrs. Dean 
(Ironically.^ 
It certainly would, with Helen Gordon at large. 

Mrs. Dixon 
I'll look out for Joe. Trust me for that. Why, Mrs. 
Dean, he ain't just the husband I've worshiped all 
my life. He's the children I've never had. He's my 
dream come true. There's only about six feet of 
him, but I've never been able to see anything else 
above him, or below him, or around him. There's 
nothing but Joe Dixon in my world. There never 
has been. There never will be. That's the plain 
truth of it. 

[120] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dean 
I'm afraid he isn't worth such love. 

Mrs. Dixon 
What's that got to do with it ? If us women only 
loved the perfect men this would be a mighty lone- 
some world. 

Mrs. Dean 
It would be a world of lonesome men. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Don't you make any mistake about Joe! He's a 
fool when it comes to a clever woman; but he's a 
man, all right! Or how did he make his way to 
where he's got ? He began with nothing. Now he's 
a Senator and a millionaire. 

Mrs. Dean 
He has done well. 

Mrs. Dixon 
He'll go higher yet if I can steer him past that si-reen. 
Ain't that what they call ladies that sits on the rocks ? 
I've always watched over Joe. I'm going to keep 
right on. 

Mrs. Dean 
What can you do .? 

[121] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
Half an hour ago I couldn't have told you. Since 
I've heard her talk, I've thought it out. Mrs. Gor- 
don's got two strings to her bow — graft and matri- 
mony. 

Mrs. Dean 
It*s a bad pair. 

Mrs. Dixon 
It is. If Joe gets onto the graft it will be all off with 
the matrimony. See ? 

Mrs. Dean 
I see. If you can show up the Kirby bill to your 
husband you can show up Mrs, Gordon at the same 
time. 

Mrs. Dixon 
That's it. I'll kill both my birds with one stone — if 
I can only hit 'em! They say a woman never can, 
but I'll have a try at it. Now, come on ! Come on ! 
We got just time to catch that one-o'clock train to 
Washington! 

{She seizes her hat and coat, grasps Mrs. Dean's arm, 
and they exit hastily^ 

CURTAIN 



ACT III 



ACT III 

Time : — An afternoon in June, between three and four 
o* clock. 

Scene : — Miss Herrick's office. The curtain rises on 
the same scene as Act I. Freddy Belden ts seated 
at Miss Herrick's desk, lolling hack in her chair 
and idly fingering her pens, proofs, and the like. 
Near him sits Miss Jefferson, absorbed in a magazine. 

Miss Jefferson 

(Dropping the magazine.^ 

Freddy, when Miss Herrick goes up to the composing- 
room, how long does she stay there ? 

Freddy 

Until people who are waiting here go away. Now 
tell me something. What is Mrs. Dixon doing in 
Washington ? 

Miss Jefferson 
Your mind is not mature enough to understand. 

[125] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Freddy 
It understands this much: Mrs. Dixon is spreading 
a net for something. I want to know what it is, and 
whether she will catch it. 

Miss Jefferson , 
Keep cool. She got back from Washington this 
morning. She's coming here this afternoon for an 
important meeting. When she arrives, dear Freddy, 
I'm afraid you will have to go. 

Freddy 
On the contrary, nothing could tear me away,, I'll 
wait, though I know it's dangerous. Here I am, 
young, helpless, and alone with you. 

Miss Jefferson 
You are a very impertinent boy. 

Freddy 
Take me in hand. Improve me. Make any change 
you like. Suppose you begin by developing my 
higher nature. I'll give you seven months to do it 

in! 

Miss Jefferson 

No, thanks; too hopeless. If there happened to be 
anything wrong with your grammar — 

[126] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Freddy 
{Excitedly.^ 

It's my weakest point — my words has always went 
wrong. Can you learn me how to talk good, every 
day from ten to five ? 

Miss Jefferson 

How can I ? I hear you have engaged yourself to 
Miss Mulholland for beauty treatment every day 
from ten to one, and to Miss Smith for moral training 
every afternoon from two to six. 

Freddy 
(Thoughtfully?) 

Miss Mulholland .? Miss Smith .? Where have I 
heard those names before } 

Miss Jefferson 
(Rising.^ 

They'll come back to you out of the mists of time, if 
you think hard enough. 

Freddy 
(Jumping up!) 

Don't go! I can think while you*re here — though, 
of course, I can't think of anything but you. Don't 

[127] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

you realize that to me you're the only girl in the 
universe ? 

Miss Jefferson 

{Sitting down again and looking at him with interest^ 
How many hours is it since you said that to Miss 
Mulholland ? 

Freddy 
That name again ! Mulholland. Mulholland. Now, 
the name of Smith I know I've heard somewhere. 
But Mulholland— 

Miss Jefferson 
You can't recall it ^. 

Freddy 
{Firmly.^ 
If I ever do, I'll tell you. 

{Tenderly.^ 

There's one name engraved on my heart — Virginia! 

{He bends over her devotedly.^ 

{Miss Mulholland enters. She wears a perfectly 
fitting princess gown, but no hat. Her sleeves are 
protected by the long cuffs typewriters use. Her 
coiffure is extremely elaborate .^ 
[128] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 

(Hesitating at the door.) 

Excuse me. I thought Miss Herrick was here. 

Miss Jefferson 
(Nodding to her J) 

How do you do. Miss Mulholland. Miss Herrick 
fled when Mr. Belden came. 
(Mischievously.) 
You have met Mr. Belden, haven't you .? 

Miss Mulholland 
(IVarmly.) 
Well, I guess. How do, Freddy .? 

Freddy 

(Dazed and overcome.) 
Why — how do you do ? 

Miss Mulholland 

As cool as that, are you .? 
(To Miss Jefferson.) 

Ain't it enough to raise a crop of daisies on my grave .? 
Every time I meet him outside the manicure parlors 
he acts like this. But in the parlors — 
9 [129] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Freddy 

(Hurriedly^ 

We met here several months ago, too, didn't we ? 

You came to see my cousin. 

Miss Mulholland 

(To Miss Jefferson.^ 

Now he's pretendin' he hasn't seen me since. An' 

me pourin' out soothin' syrup for him every day last 

month. 

Freddy 

(Hastily^ 

You — you came in so suddenly you surprised me. 

You look quite at home here. 

Miss Mulholland 
(Proudly.^ 

Why wouldn't I } I got a job here now! I'm a 
typewriter. 

Freddy 
A typewriter ? 
(To Miss Jefferson.') 

I'll bet beauty shrieked when Miss Mulholland fell 
into the new job. 

[130] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 

Madam O'Reilly shrieked, all right. 

{Elegantly?) 

Miss Herrick give me the position to get me away 

from the demoralizing influence of the beauty 

parlors. I regard it as the first ascendin' step in a 

literary career. 

Freddy 
{Admiringly.^ 
What beautiful words you use, Miss Mulholland! 

Miss Mulholland 

I'm goin' to use some more. Miss Herrick says I'm 
to be pertected now. You got to keep away from 
my desk! 

Miss Jefferson 

{Giving way to mirth.) 

Oh, Freddy, Freddy! This is too good! 

Freddy 

Protected ! Great heavens ! What do you mean .? 

{He gets behind Miss Jefferson and signals to Miss 
Mulholland imploringly.) 

[131] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 

(^Confidentially.) 

I don't believe this place is any safer than the beauty 
parlors. The engineer an' fireman is in my office 
this minute. That's why I came in here. Only this 
mornin' three agents from the typewriter company 
come to put a new ribbon on — 

Freddy 
(With interest.) 
On your hair ? 

Miss Mulholland 
(Icily.) 
No, Freddy Belden, on my typewriter. 

Freddy 

They'll be putting ribbons on your hair inside of a 
week. I see their finish. Never mind, I will pro- 
tect you from them. That's what Ruth meant. 
Come, be comfortable. They also work who only 
sit and wait. 
(He offers her Miss Herrick' s chair.) 

Miss Mulholland 

No, thanks. I ain't hopin' to fill that chair just yet. 

[132] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Freddy 

A little later, perhaps ? A few weeks ? Wait here 
till then! 

Miss Mulholland 
The more the merrier, for you ! 

{She starts toward the door.) 

Freddy 
One moment. Miss Mulholland. 

(She stops. Freddy gets between her and the door and 
pauses impressively before her.) 

Freddy 
I will overlook your thoughtless words. But an- 
swer this question frankly: Did you or did you not 
tell Miss Birdie Smith and Madam Hortense O'Reilly 
that I am your ideal man } 

Miss Mulholland 
{Horrified.) 

Indeed, Mr. Belden, I never said no such thing — not 

to nobody! 

(To Miss Jefferson.) 

Don't you believe him. Besides— 

(Firmly.) 

— You ain't! 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Freddy 
(Crestfallen.^ 
I ain't ? 

Miss Mulholland 

No, Mr. Belden. I like your high spirits, but, since 

you ask me, I will say — 

(Darkly.^ 

— There's things in you I don't approve. 

Freddy 
Stop right there, Miss Mulholland. You need't say 
what they are! I don't know where this splendid 
candor might lead you. But, if it's a fair question — 
have you ever met your ideal man .? 

Miss Mulholland 
I have. He's the grandest man I ever knew. 

Miss Jefferson 
Tell us about him. The contrast might help Mr. 
Belden. 

Miss Mulholland 
(Reminiscently, leaning against a chair.') 
Well, he come into Madam O'Reilly's manicure 

[134] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

parlors about five one night las' spring, an' by the 
time I'd done his nails 'twas six. "While I was 
workin' he never said a word, except about the 
weather an' the air-ships. But when I was through 
he ast me to go to dinner with him that night, an' 
see a play afterward. 

Freddy 
I'd do that any time! 

Miss Mulholland 
They all would. 'Twas the way he done it. 

Freddy 

I see. Some have the ways and some only have the 
means! 

Miss Mulholland 
This man had both. He had such nice sad eyes, too. 
I went. He took me to a big restaurong, an' say — 
I wish you could "a' seen the dinner he ordered! 
Clams an' sweetbreads, ducks an' lobsters, an' cham- 
pagne. But he never said one word, except about the 
plays in town. He didn't even say he was lonesome. 

Freddy 
I can order a better dinner than that. 

[135] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Mulholland 

'TVas the way he done it, I tell you. We had a 
quart and a pint of champagne, but he never said one 
word. He didn't even tell me his wife didn't under- 
stand him. Then we went to a music-hall, an' he 
got a box. 

Freddy 
Why wouldn't he \ A box is the safest place to put a 
jewel in. 

Miss Mulholland 
Ain't I tellin' y' it was the way he done it ? Afterward 
we had supper, an' more champagne. But he didn't 
say one word, except about the singin' and dancin'. 
He didn't even say a girl like me needed some one to 
advise her. He got a cab an' we started home. 

Freddy 

{Indifferently y) 

A dull evening, I call it. 

Miss Mulholland 

When the cab was half a block from where I lived 
he stopped it an' we descended. "I'll ask you to 
walk these few steps, Miss Mulholland," he says, 
"lest the neighbors talk," he says. 

[136] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Freddy 

{Awestruck.^ 

I'd never have thought of that! 

Miss Mulholland 

None of 'em would. That ain't all. When we got 
to the door he took off his hat an' held it in his hand. 
"Good-night, Miss Mulholland," he says, just like 
that. "I thank you for a pleasant evenin'," he says, 
"which I shall always remember," he says. An' 
then — 
(She pauses dramatically.^ 



And then? 
Yes, then — 



Freddy 

Miss Jefferson 

Miss Mulholland 



(Triumphantly ?) 

Then that man put on his hat an' went away. 
(She sighs?) 

Well, it's somethin' to remember. I must go now. 
I got letters to copy. 

(She goes to the door, opens it, closes it again hastily, 
and turns to Miss Jefferson and Freddy?) 
[137] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Wouldn't that jar you out of your orbit ? There's 

six men waitin' for me this minute ! My Gawd, what 

is there about me — 

(^She draws herself up, opens the door again, and goes 
out. Mrs. Dixon enters. She greets Miss Jeffer- 
son and Freddy. She is wearing an automobile 
coat which she removes at once, showing herself 
exquisitely dressed in summer garments. Her 
speech has now reached the stage where progress is 
shown by instantaneous correction of mistakes.) 

Freddy 
I've just been talking about you, Mrs. Dixon. But, 
then — 

(Tenderly.) 

— I usually am. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Yes, Freddy, I know. I guess it's lucky for us both 

I ain't — am not — twenty years younger ! 

Freddy 
Keep on the way you're going and you will be! Will 
you wait for me till I grow up ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
You want to be my husband's understudy, do you } 
That shows I am getting on. 

[138] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(Miss Herrick enters^ immaculately dressed in white 
linen. She carries a hunch of galley-proofs.^ 

Mrs. Dixon 
Here I am, Miss Herrick, on the dot. 

Miss Herrick 
You're always punctual. 

Miss Jefferson 
Softly, Mrs, Dixon, please. Try to cultivate more 
suavity of tone. 

Mrs. Dixon 

(To Miss Herrick, with a martyred air.^ 

Now it's suavity of tone she's after. When I talk 

like this (she utters the words brusquely^ it aint suave. 

When I talk like this (she gives the words a velvety 

finish^ it is suave. 

(Contentedly?) 

I can see the difference myself. 

Miss Herrick 
So can L You're doing beautifully. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Hasn't Colonel Belden come .? 

[139] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
Not yet. 

Mrs. Dixon 

But you're sure he's coming ? It's awful — very — 
kind of him to do so much for me. 

Miss Herrick 

He has two good reasons. First, he Hkes you. 
Second, he wants to defeat the Kirby bill. He will 
help you all he can. 

Freddy 
(Eagerly.^ 
Secrets ! Does father know '^. Tell me ! 

Mrs. Dixon 

Yes, it's secrets — if a big political scandal is ever a 

secret. 

(Dreamily?) 

Seems to me most every one knows this secret except 

Joe Dixon. 

Freddy 
(To Virginia.^ 

She has something in her net! 

[140] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 

I've got the biggest netful you ever saw — if I can only 
land it! 

Miss Herrick 

(Taking up a paper from her desk. It is blue, the 

other papers being white?) 
Colonel Belden sent me the statement you got for him. 

Mrs. Dixon 

There's the whole inside story of the Kirby bill — 
names, dates, and places. 

Miss Herrick 
Is it to be published ? 

Mrs. Dixon 

No. Mr. Rathburn, of the New York Planet, wrote 
it for his paper. But the editor won't print it. He 
says he believes it's true, but it might cause a libel 
suit, and we haven't got legal proofs. 

Miss Jefferson 
Can't you get them ? 

[141] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
No. We've tried everything. First I went to see 
the other Senator from Oklahoma, and our Con- 
gressmen. They didn't know any more than Freddy 
here! 
(Unobserved by the rest, Freddy has edged round 

behind Miss Herri ck, and is reading the statement, 

still held in her hand.) 
And they weren't half as interested. Then Mr. 
Rathburn came to see me. He's the Washington 
correspondent of the New York Planet, and that 
polite — 
(Suavely.) 

— So very polite ! He pretended to be interested in 
Joe. But I saw through him! 
(To Miss Jefferson.) 
Can I say "saw through him" .? 

Miss Jefferson 
It is an idiom; it expresses the case very well. 

Mrs. Dixon 
I never shall know when it's an idiom and when it's 
only vulgar. Anyway, I saw Rathburn was begin- 
ning to see something mighty queer in the Kirby 
bill. So I laid down my hand to that reporter, every 

[H2] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

card on the table. We worked together. You 
wouldn't beheve the people we saw and the things we 
found out! But it was all hearsay. We can't get the 
Planet to print it. 

Miss Herrick 

You're up against a theory of "sound journalism." 
A thing may be true as gospel, but if you can't 
prove it in a lawsuit it's libel. 

Mrs. Dixon 

I know it. I found out that Senator Matthews was 
paid five thousand dollars for his vote. Don't I 
wish I had a photograph of that check! 

Miss Jefferson 
If you haven't proofs, what have you .? 

Mrs. Dixon 

Nothing but facts. I've got to make my husband 
believe the simple truth against the word of the 
Kirby crowd and Mrs. Gordon. The point is, can 
I do it ? 
{Restlessly.') 

You're sure Colonel Belden's coming ? 

[143] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
Quite sure. 

(Looking at her watch.) 
He isn't due for five minutes. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Let's forget Kirby's bill for a few minutes. 
(With affected elegance.) 
It's getting on my nerves! 
(Deliberately changing the subject.) 
I'm going to my first dinner-party to-morrow night. 

Miss Herrick 
Your first dinner ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
Yes. Mrs. Twombly's giving it for me — on Mrs. 
Dean's account, I guess. 
(Confidentially .) 

I'm terribly scared — nervous about it. Now tell me. 
When I meet the other guests shall I act as if I knew 
everything, and let them find out I don't .^ Or shall 
I tell them I don't know a thing, and let them get 
over it .? 

Miss Herrick 
Don't say an unnecessary word. Listen intelligently. 

[144] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Fill the pauses with smiles. Your smile is charming. 
(A'Irs. Dixon opens a vanity-box, finds a mirrory grins 

into it, and regards the result with unlifted gloom. 

Then she turns and smiles appealingly at Miss 

Jefferson.^) 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Mournfully^ 
I can't find any charm in it. 

Miss Jefferson 
Never mind. The other guests will. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Mrs. Dean knows the men I'm going to set — sit 
between. One of 'em — one of ?/7(?m is Western. We 
can talk about home. He's a mining man, an' I 
guess I have not listened to Joel Dixon talk mines 
at every meal I've et — I have eaten for twenty years 
without learning something about mines, too. Him 
and me — 

Miss Jefferson 
Oh-h-h-h! 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Despairingly?) 
Oh! That was pretty bad, wasn't it.? Two of my 

[145] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

seven months gone, and I say," him and me"! Ain't 
it discouragin' ? Oh, heavens; now I say, ''ain't"! 

Miss Jefferson 
Begin over. 

Mrs. Dixon 

All right. One of the men is Western. He and I 
will get on all right. But the other man at the dinner 
is an author, and why they put him next to me— 
(Her voice rises to a wail.) 
— I'm sure I dunno — I don't know. 

Freddy 

Let's have a rehearsal, Mrs. Dixon. I'll be the au- 
thor. Here's the table. 

(He draws an imaginary table into the center of the 
stage.) 

Miss Jefferson 

I'll be the English butler. 

(Freddy seats Mrs. Dixon, takes another chair, places 
it near hers and sits down beside her, unfolding 
an imaginary napkin. Airs. Dixon unfolds an im- 
aginary napkin also, places it in her lap, fusses 
over it, surveys the place where knives and forks 
ought to be, and looks nervous. Miss Jefferson, 
[146] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

offering a dish at Mrs. Dixon's left, drops an 
imaginary plate, and Freddy and Mrs. Dixon start 
nervously.^ 

Freddy 

(Severely, to Miss Jefferson.) 

You go when your month is up, Thomas. 

Miss Jefferson 

(^Haughtily.) 

Pardon, sir. Hi was going any'ow! Hi'm only 

used to the best, sir! 

(She offers Mrs. Dixon a dish from the right side.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
Ain't you on my wrong side, Thomas ? 

Miss Jefferson 
Pardon, madam. The gentleman got me that upset, 
wot with dischargin' me — 

{She hurriedly changes and serves Mrs. Dixon an 
imaginary dish from the left side.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Grinning ecstatically.) 
That's more than I knew a month ago. 
(Miss Jefferson takes her place at Freddy s right, in- 

[H7] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

verts an imaginary decanter, and pours indefinitelyy 
looking exhausted the while.) 

Freddy 

(^Irritably.) 

Thomas, what are you doing ? 

Miss Jefferson 
(Humbly.) 
Tryin' to keep your glasses filled, sir. 

Freddy 

(Coldly.) 

I thought you were trying to be a living picture. 

(He inverts his imaginary glasses and pretends to eat 
stolidly.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
(To Freddy.) 
Why don't you say something .? 

Freddy 

Probably an author wouldn't, you know. He'd ex- 
pect you to entertain him. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Mercy! what will I do ? He's got to say something to 
start me off, hasn't he ^ 

[148] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Freddy 
No, you've got to start him off. Go ahead. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Timidly.^ 

How do you think of all the interesting things you 
say in your books ? 

Freddy 

Excellent! And sanctioned by our best traditions! 

(He assumes a lofty manner, smiles condescendingly, 
and leans toward her with interest, speaking in an 
assumed voice.^ 

Ah — what special book have you in mind ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Artificially.) 
I'm reading The Iron Woman now. 

Freddy 

(In his natural voice.) 

Great heavens ! That won't do. You must speak to 
him about one of his own books ! He doesn't care 
about any one else's books! 

[149] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
{Feebly.) 

But I haven't read none — any — of his books. I only 
got back from Washington at three o'clock. 

Freddy 
(Gloomily, rising and regarding her.) 
Then you're done for! You ought to be reading one 
now. You ought to have one in each hand. You 
could have talked to him about them all through 
dinner, and he'd have been a perfectly happy man. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Perhaps I could give him the one-minute Shake- 
speare talk Mrs. Dean taught me. I've only read 
"Hamlet" and "Romeo," though. Heaven knows 
what I'd say if he asked me about any of the rest. 

Freddy 
Wouldn't do at all — not to another author. Sure to 
make him jealous. 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Restlesslyy to Miss Herrick, who is hard at work at 

her desk.) 
Isn't it time yet for Colonel Belden ? 

[150] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 

He may be five minutes late. Are you sure Senator 
Dixon is coming ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
No — but I think he'll come. 

Freddy 

Meantime, here's this dinner. Let's go on with that. 

(They resume their places at the imaginary table. 
Freddy helps himself to an imaginary dish, served 
by Miss Jefferson, at his left.) 

Miss Jefferson 

(7^0 Freddy, in a hoarse aside.) 

Don't eat all the food, sir. There's bother guests 

present. 

Freddy 

Thomas, what did you do before you began to buttle .? 
Shovel coal ? 

Miss Jefferson 

Yes, sir. The arm swing comes in 'andy while 
servin' you, sir. 

(She shovels imaginary food on his plate.) 

[151] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
I don't suppose I ever will remember whether you eat 
out or eat in with your knives and forks, though Mrs. 
Dean tells me every day. What's that fork for, 
Freddy .? 
(She indicates a spot. They both look.) 

Freddy 
That .? Prunes ! But here's the one that will puzzle 
you. 

(He points it out.) 

When you see that fork, Mrs. Dixon — that little one 
with the crimpy sides, shun it! 

Mrs. Dixon 
Why.? 

Freddy 

(In solemn tones.) 

That's the fork they all ask about in the Ladies' Home 
Journal. 

(Mrs. Dixon looks at the spot with round eyes. Then 
she springs to her feet.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
Good heavens, how nervous I am ! In the next half 
hour I've got to save my husband an' my country. 
An' here I am wastin' time on table manners ! 

[152] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Tim 
{Entering.^ 
Colonel Belden's here, Miss Herrick. 

Miss Herrick 
(Rising.^ 

Why, Uncle, how formal you are ! 
{Colonel Belden — a handsome, middle-aged military 
man — follows close behind Tim. Miss Herrick 
greets him affectionately. Mrs. Dixon turns to him 
eagerly. He shakes hands with her with evident 
pleasure.^ 

Colonel Belden 

(To Airs. Dixon?) 

Senator Dixon left Washington this morning. He 

will be in this office at four o'clock. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Good ! 

Freddy 

The rest of you may stay while Mrs. Dixon and 
father give me their entire confidence. 

Colonel Belden 
You impudent young cub ! Clear out, now, while 
your elders take up the serious business of hfe. 

[153] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Freddy 
Will you come too, Virginia ? 

Miss Jefferson 

(Glancing at Mrs. Dixon.^ 

Not being urged to stay, I will go to the inner office 

and keep you company. 

(Exit Freddy and Miss Jefferson.^ 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Turning to Miss Herrick and Colonel Belden.) 
What a trump you have been. Miss Herrick! And 
you, too. Colonel! If I spent the rest of my life 
thanking you both for all you have done I couldn't 
say enough. 

Miss Herrick 
We're very proud of you, Mrs. Dixon. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Wait till you see how I come through the next half 
hour. The hardest work of my life is cut out for me 
right here and now. 

[154] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Colonel Belden 
It's a big job. Kirby's as clever as they make them. 

Mrs. Dixon 

It makes my soul sick when I look into the net 
Freddy talks about, and see Kirby and Mrs. Gordon 
and a dozen others squirming at the bottom of it — ^ 
with Joe Dixon ready to fall in next. 

Miss Herrick 
He hasn't fallen yet. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Grimly.^ 

No. He's to fall at seven o'clock. 
{Looking at her watch.) 
It's four now. 

Miss Herrick 

Good heavens ! Why aren't you still in Washington, 
with all that going on .? 

Mrs. Dixon 

It ain't going on in Washington. It's going on in 
New York — to-night! Kirby's here to give a big 
dinner to the syndicate that's back of his bill. They 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

need one more vote. They've got to get it before 
Congress adjourns this week! 



Colonel Belden 

(To Miss Herrick.^ 

They expect to get it from Senator Dixon. He came 
to NeviA York to go to the dinner. That's how I 
managed to make the appointment with him. 

Miss Herrick 

(Looking at her watch. ^ 
He's late. 

Tim 

(Entering!) 

Senator Dixon's here, Miss Herrick. He says he ex- 
pects to meet Colonel Belden. 

Miss Herrick 
One moment, Tim. 

(She turns to Mrs. Dixon.) 

Mrs. Dixon 

Colonel, tell him all we know, but don't mention me. 
I'll wait outside. I can't see Joe yet. 
(She goes out.) 

[156] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
Ask Senator Dixon to come in, Tim. 
(Exit Tim. Senator Dixon and Mrs. Gordon enter. 
Dixon IS a superb type of the Western American, 
handsome, well dressed, and extremely well satisfied 
with himself. He speaks with crisp authority, and 
evidently expects to be listened to.^ 

Colonel Belden 

(Advancing.^ 

Senator, Fve invited you here at the request of a 
friend of yours, to give you some important in- 
formation. 

Senator Dixon 
(Shaking hands.^ 

That sounds good. 

Colonel Belden 
Much of the information is confidential. My niece. 
Miss Herrick (Dixon and Miss Herrick bow\ knows 
the facts, but — I thought you would be alone. 

(He glances at Mrs. Gordon.) 

Senator Dixon 
Colonel, this lady is Mrs. Herbert Gordon, of Wash- 
ington. I'm willing to trust her with any secrets of 
mine. 

[157] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Colonel Belden 

[Bowing to the lady?) 

['11 say this much. Senator, you're here in New York 
to go to Kirby's dinner to-night. If you go it will 
be a big mistake. 

Senator Dixon 
Fm not good at puzzles, Belden. What's the answer ? 

Mrs. Gordon 
{Coolly.^ 
I will tell you. This is a plan of the opposition. 

Colonel Belden 

We haven't time to mince words, Senator. Kirby and 
his crowd are trying to drag you into what is nothing 
more nor less than a swindle. 

Senator Dixon 

Be careful, Belden. You're talking about my friends 
and associates. 

Colonel Belden 

Then you choose your friends carelessly. The men 
back of that Park bill are Kirby, a grafter and a 

[158] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

hypocrite; Matthews, whose own State has turned 
him down; Jackson, a self-confessed har and trick- 
ster. You're in bad company, Senator Dixon. It's 
time you knew it. 

Senator Dixon 
Belden, I didn't come here to-day to Hsten to your 
opinions of my poHtical associates. I've got my own 
opinions. It will take more than yours to change 
them. 

Mrs. Gordon 

This is not clever of you, Colonel. I thought you 
could do better. 

Senator Dixon 
Yes, Belden, drop your little "Who's Who" and come 
to the point. 

Colonel Belden 
The point is that Kirby's National Park bill is a 
colossal steal. Are you going to vote for it ^ 

Mrs. Gordon 
Really, I'm enjoying this. It's so artless! 

Colonel Belden 
I see you are interested. Frankly, Mrs. Gordon, it is 
generally understood that you are lobbying for 
Kirby^s bill. 

[159] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
"Lobbying" is an unpleasant word, Colonel. I am 
interested in the bill, like every one else who believes 
in conservation. 

Colonel Belden 
Has Senator Dixon asked you to come on from 
Washington to advise with us ? 

Mrs. Gordon 
(^Languidly.) 

I'm afraid I shouldn't have thought the consultation 
sufficiently important. No, Colonel, I'm in New 
York on other business. I met Senator Dixon on 
the train. 

Miss Herrick 
(Suavely.) 
An interesting coincidence! 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Smiling at her.) 

Wasn't It .? So fortunate. He mentioned this ap- 
pointment with Colonel Belden. 

Senator Dixon 
And I asked Mrs. Gordon to come here with me. 
(^He turns to Belden.) 

[i6o] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

I don't like your manner, Belden. Now, I want you 
to understand just where Mrs. Gordon stands in this 
matter. She has spent her Hfe in Washington. She 
knows statesmen and national politics from A to Z. 
Fm a greenhorn, and I know it. Mrs. Gordon has 
taught me a lot. 

Mrs. Gordon 
I never met a new-comer who learned so fast. 

Senator Dixon 

That's because you never met another one that had 

such a good teacher. 

(To Belden?) 

Washington is full of tricky ways and jealousy and 

backbiting. I found myself in the thick of it. How 

could I know who was honest and who wasn't ? 

Colonel Belden 

I invited you here to-day to give you a short and ac- 
curate list of some who are not honest. 

Senator Dixon 

Thanks. FU listen to you, or to anybody, if you'll 
remember that it's facts I want, not theories. 
II [i6i] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 

Theories are Colonel Belden's specialty, Senator. 
{To BeUen.) 

Pardon me if I put Senator Dixon in touch with your 
political record. Your interest in his affairs makes 
it necessary. You began as a leading spirit in the 
League for Good Government. Good Government! 
It was a beautiful title, but what you did was so 
childish that very soon the newspapers began to call 
you Goo-Goos. Goo Goo! A baby gurgling in his 
cradle couldn't have been more blind to things as 
they are. 

Senator Dixon 
{Laughing.) 

That's right out from the shoulder, Belden. But 
notice that the blow ain't given behind your back. 

Colonel Belden 
(Stiffly.) 
The lady is at liberty to express her opinion. 

Senator Dixon 

(Still laughing and regarding Mrs. Gordon ad- 
miringly.) 
By George! she seems to be. 

[162] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 

I haven't quite finished my brief biographical sketch. 
To-day, Colonel, your infant organization can't even 
say, "goo goo"! It has been put into a nice little 
white coffin — and buried! 

Senator Dixon 
(Cheerfully. ~) 

Got anything to say, Belden .? We're here for a talk, 
you know. 

Mrs. Gordon 

(Smiling at him.) 

Pardon. I still have the floor. Colonel Belden next 

shone in the administration of a reform Mayor of 

New York. 

(To Belden.) 

Your blindness to facts soon disgusted the very 

people who had voted you iiito office. So the next 

election was a landslide for the grafters. 

Colonel Belden 

(Suavely.) 

I'm glad you remember that, Mrs. Gordon. Several 
of your friends, stanch supporters now of Kirby's 
bill, got offices that time, and fattened visibly on them. 

[163] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 

So the goo goos gurgled. But the gurgles were like 
your assertions of to-day — theories, Colonel, not 
facts. 

Colonel Belden 
(Coolly.) 

Senator Traynor was one of the little Jack Horners 
who stuck a thumb into that pie. There was proof 
enough that he pulled out some plums. 

Mrs. Gordon 

You see, Senator Dixon ? I told you they would 
bring up Traynor before they got through. 

Senator Dixon 

(With sudden dignity.) 

Colonel Belden, Mrs. Gordon has explained that 
Traynor matter to my entire satisfaction. It hap- 
pened in her extreme youth, and she believed in his 
bill. She was deceived in the character of Traynor. 

Miss Herrick 
(Smiling.) 

The Traynor episode happened exactly three years 
ago. 

[164] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Smiling hack insolently.^ 
What a memory! 
(To Dixon?) 

The important fact is that I had to deal with a man 
steeped in duplicity. 

Colonel Belden 
(To Dixon.) 

The fact I am trying to drive home is that Mrs. 
Gordon's present associates — the prime movers in 
the Kirby bill — are of the same stripe as the notorious 
Traynor. They're for graft — first, last, always. 

Senator Dixon 

Do you suppose I haven't heard that talk before ? 
I have. I've even talked it over with the men them- 
selves. They know what their enemies are saying. 

Colonel Belden 

Am I to understand, Senator Dixon, that you referred 
the question of Kirby's honesty to Kirby himself? 

Senator Dixon 
(Losing his temper.) 

Who the devil would I go to if not to Kirby .? 

[165] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(Horrified at himself.^ 

Excuse me, Mrs. Gordon, Miss Herrick. 

(To Belden.^ 

What I mean is that after I had heard what his 

enemies said I went to Kirby and Hstened to his side. 

Colonel Belden 
You liked his side better ? 

Senator Dixon 
I found it more convincing, sir. 

Colonel Belden 

Then you didn't consult the men in Washington who 
think as we do of Kirby's crowd .? 

Mrs. Gordon 
A strong man does not take counsel of his enemies. 

Colonel Belden 

A wise man takes counsel wherever he can get it 
before he decides who are his enemies. 

[i66] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Senator Dixon 
Great Scott! I didn't have to consult either side. 
They all came to me hotfoot with their different 
stories. I got it day and night. Of course, Belden, 
you realize that there's a big fight over this thing, with 
strong men on both sides. Naturally, it all rattled 
me — new as I was in the field. But Mrs. Gordon 
helped me to get things clear in my mind. 

Mrs. Gordon 
Thank you. Senator. That helps me to endure this 
trying interview. 

Senator Dixon 
I was wrong to ask you to come here. 
(To Belden.^ 

We're going round like squirrels in a cage, Belden. 
Let's get somewhere or quit trying. Here's where I 
stand. I've heard both sides of the Kirby matter. 
I've weighed the evidence. Now, I believe in Kirby 
and his bill — and it's going to take more than you've 
shown me yet to shake that belief. 

Colonel Belden 
We have some facts right here that are new to you, I 
think. 

[167J 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(He picks up the blue paper.) 
Moreover, there's an element in the case — 
(^He breaks off and adds) 

I do full justice to Mrs. Gordon's charm and ability. 
But in this matter, Senator, her advice is not disin- 
terested. She has too much at stake. 

Senator Dixon 

(^With concentrated anger.) 

I suppose you mean well, Belden, but you're going 
too far. As for that stuff — (he indicates the blue 
manuscript still in Belden s hand) — I ain't got time 
to read it. 

(Mrs. Gordon shows great relief. She flashes a 
triumphant glance at the Colonel.) 

Mrs. Gordon 
Let him run on, Senator. He interests me. 

Senator Dixon 

(Going to her, taking her hand, and speaking with 

deep feeling.) 
Mrs. Gordon, we owe you an apology for even speak- 
ing about such things. I oughtn't to have listened. 
But one thing I guess you know. Nothing he says 
can make me believe — 

[i68] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
I'm not afraid. I know I am safe in your hands. 

Senator Dixon 

You may feel pretty sure of that. There ain't many 

things in life more certain. 

(Abruptly.) 

We don't know much about each other, Belden, 

but the more I think of what you have said, the more 

I resent it. It's an outrage. 

Colonel Belden 
(Keeping his temper.) 

Hold on. Senator. Be good enough to remember 
that this is not my affair. I have told you only what 
your friend asked me to say to you. 

Senator Dixon 
(Interrupting fiercely^ 
To hell with that friend! 
(Again horrified at himself.) 
Excuse me, Mrs. Gordon, Miss Herrick. 
(To Belden.) 

When I want my friends to butt into my private busi- 
ness I'll let 'em know. Tell that interferin' fool I 
said so, whoever he is! 

[169] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Colonel Belden 
(^Coldly.) 

Better wait a bit, Dixon. If you would read this 
statement it would put a different light on things. 

Mrs. Gordon 
The opposition must be getting desperate when they 
resort to methods like this. Shall we go ? I'm sure 
you don't care to waste more time. 

Senator Dixon 
I want to get out of here as quick as I can. 

Colonel Belden 
We're doing you a good turn. In common justice 
you owe us a chance to prove what we say. 

Senator Dixon 
(Grimly.) 

All right. Go ahead. Prove it! The quicker, the 
better. 

Colonel Belden 
Here's the statement. 

Senator Dixon 

(Taking the statement, glancing over it, and handing 
It hack.) 

[170] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Looks like the same old stuff. I can't stop to read 
thirty pages of typewritin'. I've got a dinner en- 
gagement. 

Colonel Belden 
(Grimly.) 

I know you have. Can't you understand, Dixon, 
that if you go to that dinner and the newspapers re- 
port your presence, as they will do, you will be 
regarded as one of Kirby's backers .? For God's sake, 
man, and for the sake of your political future, stop 
and see the position you are in ! Kirby and his gang 
are desperate. They are closing in around you like 
a pack of wolves. 

Senator Dixon 
Why are you in this .? Who's my mysterious friend .? 

Colonel Belden 
You'll know later. Won't you read this statement .? 

Senator Dixon 

I'll be hanged if I do! I've had enough of this in- 
fernal nonsense. 
(Apologetically.) 

Excuse me for gettin' excited, Mrs. Gordon, but this 

[171] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

thing has riled me up. If you knew how sick I am of 
the Kirby bill! Til be glad when it's passed. 

Colonel Belden 
You'll be a lot more sick of it then than now. 

Mrs. Gordon 

Come, Senator. Surely we need not stay here longer. 
(He turns to her.^ 

Senator Dixon 
We'll go. 

(They start toward the door \right\ They are thus 
with their hacks toward the upper door [left], which 
now opens suddenly, admitting Mrs. Dixon. She 
IS obviously in great mental excitement. Seeing 
the group at the other door, she slips along the side 
of the room and seats herself in a chair sheltered by 
Ruth Herrick's desk. Miss Herrick and Colonel 
Belden see her. The others do not.) 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Icily, as they go.) 

How much do you suppose they're getting paid for 
this, Senator ? 

[172] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Colonel Belden 

{Incisively.^ 

Dixon, are you afraid to read the truth ? So far 
we have assumed that you are an honest man who 
is being fooled. But — 

Senator Dixon 
(Turning and going toward him.) 
Stop right there ! No man shall say a thing like that 
to me! What d'ye mean by it ? 
{Colonel Belden steps aside quickly.) 

Mrs. Gordon 
{With great uneasiness.) 
Senator, I beg you to come. Don't quarrel here. 

Senator Dixon 

{To Belden.) 

ril settle with you later for that insult. As for your 
confounded statement, I wouldn't read it if I had a 
thousand years to do it in! 

Mrs. Dixon 

{Emerging from behind the desk and coming toward 
him.) 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Yes you will, Joel Dixon! You'll read it right now! 
(She takes the statement from Belden and offers it to 

her husband. He starts hack, staring, unable to 

believe the evidence of his senses.^ 

Senator Dixon 

Harriet! You! You! Harriet! 

(He looks her up and down froin head to foot, approach- 
ing her as he does so. Then, fiercely, after he has 
taken in the great change in her appearance.^ 

What are you doing here ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Fery quietly.) 
I'm studyin' the Kirby bill, for one thing. 

Senator Dixon 

I didn't know you were in New York. You don't 
understand this, Harriet — 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Slowly.) 

I understand it a good deal better than you do. I am 
the friend who got that statement. I brought you 
here to read it! Take it. 

[174] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Impressively.^ 
Fve had enough of this, Senator. I wish to go. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Which will you listen to, Joe } 

Senator Dixon 

You mustn't interfere in this matter, Harriet. 

(To Mrs. Gordon.^ 

This is my wife. 

(He looks from one to the other. ^ 

Mrs. Gordon 
We have met before. 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Ignoring her.) 
Joel, read that statement! 

(He takes it slowly, as if hypnotized, his eyes on his 
wife's face.) 

Mrs. Gordon 

Aren't you forgetting your decision. Senator ^ Why 
waste time on that ? 

[175] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Senator Dixon 
By George, this Kirby business will drive me crazy! 
(He hurls the statement down on the table.^ 
But I've taken my stand. I'll keep it. I'm ready, 
Mrs. Gordon. 
(He starts to go.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
Joel, listen to me. Mr. Rathburn, the Washington 
correspondent of the New York Planet, will vouch 
for the truth of every word in that statement. 

Senator Dixon 
(Stopping suddenly.) 

Rathburn! I know Rathburn. What's he got to do 
with it ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Calmly.) 
A good deal. He wrote it! 

Senator Dixon 
He did, eh ? 
(Quickly.) 
Is the Planet going to publish it .? 

Mrs. Dixon 
What's that got to do with it ? 

[176] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Senator Dixon 
A whole lot. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Would you believe it quicker if it was printed in the 

Planet? 

Senator Dixon 
You bet I would ! A reporter can amuse himself, if he 
wants to, writing charges against public men and 
letting 'em lay around. But if a newspaper prints 
'em and they ain't true, that paper's got to stand a 
libel suit. 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Excitedly.^ 

Is it coming out in the Planet? 
(Calming herself.^ 

But how absurd ! Of course the Planet isn't anxious 
for a libel suit. 
{Senator Dixon glances at her sharply.^ 

Senator Dixon 
I don't believe all I read in the newspapers by a long 
shot. But the Planet is pretty rehable. If it pub- 
lished that — 

[177] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Eagerly.^ 

Would it change your stand-pat ideas on the Kirby 
bill ? 

Senator Dixon 
I reckon it might. 
{Imperiously?) 

Here, tell me. Is the Planet going to publish that 
article .? 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Firmly?) 
Yes. 

Mrs. Gordon 
When .? 

Mrs. Dixon 
To-morrow morning! 

Senator Dixon 
By Jove! 

Mrs. Gordon 
A likely story. Prove it. 

Mrs. Dixon 

I'm not tryin' to prove anything to you, Mrs. Gordon. 
I'm talkin' to my husband. 

[178] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
(To Dixon?) 

Oh, don't you see ? It's all to gain time. If that was 
coming out to-morrow she wouldn't have the manu- 
script here. 

Mrs. Dixon 
That's only a copy. 

Mrs. Gordon 

Then why haven't you proof-sheets or something to 
show .? 

Mrs. Dixon 

It ain't in type yet. The proof-sheets are coming 

later. 

(To Dtxon.) 

I'm sorry they won't get here in time for you to see 

'em. Won't you read the statement instead ? 

Senator Dixon 

No. If those proofs are coming here, I'll wait for 
them if it takes all night. I want to get to the bot- 
tom of this business now. 
(To Mrs. Gordon.) 

If the Planet has taken it up it looks serious. 
(He sits down, as if for an indefinite wait.) 

[179] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Tim 

(Entering.^ 

Senator Kirby's on the main telephone, Miss Her- 
rick. He wants to speak to Senator Dixon. 
(Dixon rises y in surprise.^ 

Senator Dixon 
How the deuce did Kirby know I was here ? I 
didn't tell him I was coming. 

Mrs. Gordon 
I did. May I come too ? I want a word with you. 

Senator Dixon 
(Looking at her sharply.^ 
Of course, Mrs. Gordon. 

(His manner has changed, he coming not exactly 
suspicious, but very thoughtful. He opens the door 
for her, and when she has passed through he follows 
her.) 

Colonel Belden 
You're in a tight pocket, Mrs. Dixon. Fll go to the 
Planet office and see if I can persuade Hotchkiss, the 
editor, to publish this story to-morrow. But I'm not 
hopeful. He swore yesterday he would not touch it. 
(lie reaches for the copy.) 

[i8o] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 

Don't take that. It's all we've got. Rathburn has 
another copy. 

Colonel Belden 

Very well. Good-bye, then. Can you think of 
anything else I can do ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
Nothing, thank you. 

(Colonel Belden goes out. Mrs. Dixon goes hurriedly 
to Miss Herrick's desk.) 

Mrs. Dixon 

We've got a minute to plan. What '11 I do — oh, 

what '11 I do .? 

(She absently picks up the manuscript containing the 
Kirby statement, also some of Miss Herrick's proofs, 
glances thoughtfully from one to the other, and as 
she looks at them an inspiration comes to her. 
Her whole manner changes. She drops the proofs, 
turns to Miss Herrick with swift authority, and 
offers her the blue statement.) 

Mrs. Dixon 

Miss Herrick, could you have this put into type 

[i8i] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

up-stairs and get proof-sheets that would look like 
they came from the Planet office ? 
(Miss Herrick stares at her a second, then catches the 
idea.) 

Miss Herrick 
Yes. 

Mrs. Dixon 
How quick could you do it ? 

Miss Herrick 
(Grasping the manuscript.) 

I'll have it done within ten minutes if it takes every 
man in the composing-room! 

Mrs. Dixon 
Good! Send it up! 

Miss Herrick 

(Snatching her blue pencil.) 

I must build a newspaper head for it — the big, sen- 
sational head-lines newspapers use, you know. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Yes, yes ! Make the top line tell about Kirby stealing 
a million! 

[182] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
(Writing and reading the line aloud.^ 

"KIRBY'S MILLION-DOLLAR STEAL!" 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Leaning over her.) 
Good! 

Miss Herrick 

(Reading the head-lines as fast as she writes them.) 

"THOUSANDS FOR HIS FRIENDS, TOO, IF 

HIS NATIONAL PARK BILL GOES 

THROUGH" 

Mrs. Dixon 
That's it! 

Miss Herrick 
"jackson and matthews in the deal" 

Mrs. Dixon 

Yes, yes! 

Miss Herrick 
"the inside story of a philanthropist's efforts 

TO DO HIS countrymen GOOd!" 

[183] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 

That's fine! Now rush it up. 

(Miss Herrick pins the sheet with the head-lines to the 
manuscript, folds them, and sends the package up 
the tube. Then she turns to the speaking-tube. As 
she does so Mrs. Dixon goes to the door of the outer 
office, and Freddy enters from the inner room. 
Neither Miss Herrick nor Mrs. Dixon sees htm. 
He stands silent, listening.^ 

Miss Herrick 

{Softly speaking through the tube.) 
The foreman, please. 
(She waits.) 

Mr. Jackson, do me a good turn. I've just sent you 
a manuscript with unusual headlines. Set it in six 
or seven minutes if it takes every man in the place. 
It's vital. Don't stop to ask questions. Make the 
head-lines as striking as you can — big, black type. 
Copy the Planet's style. I'll explain later. Thank 
you. 

(As she turns away, Mrs. Dixon opens the door and 
calls softly into the outer office.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
Time 

[184] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(Tim enters.^ 

Tim, how far is the Planet office from here ? 

Tim 
*Bout two blocks. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Run over there and find Colonel Belden. Tell him 
I want a big envelope with the Planet printed on it 
— the kind they send proof-sheets in. If he isn't 
there get one from Mr. Rathburn or some one else. 

Tim 
Yes'm. 

Mrs. Dixon 

When you get it run back here, and get the new 
proofs Mr. Jackson will have ready for Miss Herrick 
up in the composing-room. Put the proofs in the 
envelope. Then seal it, write my name on it, and 
bring it in here to me. Got that straight .? 
(Tim glances at Miss Herrick. She nods.) 

Tim 
Yes'm. 

Mrs. Dixon 
If you do it just the way Tve told you to, I'll give you 
five dollars. 

[185] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Tim 
Say, Fd do it for nothin'. 
{Quickly, lest this noble attitude should he misinter~ 

preted.) 
But I kin use the money. 
(Exit Tim.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Contentedly.) 

Now Joe Dixon and Mrs. Gordon can come back 
just as soon as they want to. There'll be something 
doing. 

Miss Herrick 
(Laughing.) 

There certainly will. Fm afraid you and I have 
mislaid our moral sense. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Crossing behind her a?2d putting her hands on her 

shoulders.) 
Don't think I don't see that. It's lying, and it's 
double-dealing, and Fm dragging you into it, too. 
But how else can I save Joel ? 

Miss Herrick 
Are you sure the statement is strong enough to con- 
vince Senator Dixon when he reads it ? 

[i86] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Turning to look at her.^ 

Mercy! It ain't the statement that's goin* to con- 
vince Joe. It's Mrs. Herbert Gordon. 

Miss Herrick 
What do you mean } 

Mrs. Dixon 
I want her to do it for me — if I can make her. The 
only way to get at Joe Dixon now is through Mrs. 
Gordon. He won't beheve me. 
(Very significantly.^ 
When the proofs come watch her. 

Miss Herrick 
You're extremely clever, Mrs. Dixon. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Modestly.) 

Oh, well ! You can't be up against men, women, wild 
animals, and cyclones all your life without learnin' 
somethin' about human nature. 

Freddy 

(In a sharp whisper.) 
I have heard all! 

[187] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
Joel's understudy! 

Freddy 
Joel's understudy is as bad as you are. I merely 
want to say that if you'd like to call up Mr. Rath- 
burn on this telephone a little later it will be safe 
to have a talk with him. Miss MulhoUand and I 
are the telephone-girl. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Call up Mr. Rathburn.? Oh, I see! Make Joe 
think I'm talkin' to him. Good for the understudy! 
Be ready. 
(Grimly.^ 
Everything goes, now I've started! 

Freddy 
Farewell, fellow-conspirators ! 

(Jn a sepulchral whisper, as he reaches the door.) 
Hist! Meet me under the ruined bridge at mid- 
night. The password is Kirby. 

(^He goes out with exaggerated caution. Senator 
Dixon and Mrs. Gordon enter.) 

Senator Dixon 

Any sign of those Planet proofs yet } 

[i88] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
Not yet. But they're coming! 

Mrs. Gordon 
Pardon me if I say I doubt it. Your bluff isn't good 
enough. 

Mrs. Dixon 
I'll make it good, 

Mrs. Gordon 
You seem very confident. 
(Sweetly.) 
Have you your little hatchet with you to-day .? 

Mrs. Dixon 
Yes, you'll feel it soon. 

Senator Dixon 
(Puzzled.) 
What are you two talkin' about ? 

Mrs, Gordon 
Hatchets. Mrs. Dixon's has growa rusty. 

Mrs. Dixon 

If it has, you'll need treatment for lockjaw a little 
later. 

[189] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Senator Dixon 

(^Scandalized.) 

Harriet, that's no way to talk! 

Mrs. Gordon 
(With icy .displeasure?) 

I make every allowance for Mrs. Dixon's lack of social 
experience. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Regretfully.) 

Now you're getting cross. Don't you know you can 
never accomplish anything till you learn to keep your 
temper ? 

Mrs. Gordon 

You're an apt pupil. I hope you have profited as 
well by other lessons I taught you. But really your 
hatchet is useless. I don't believe it would cut — 
let us say a dinner engagement. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Wait and see, 

Mrs. Gordon 
We're waiting — but the proofs don't come. 

Mrs. Dixon 
I'll try to hurry them. 

(She takes up the telephone.) 

[190] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Give me the Planet office, please. 
(She waits.^ 

Is this the Planet? I want to speak to Mr. Rath- 
burn. 

(She waits.') 

Is this Mr. Rathburn ? This is Mrs. Dixon. You 
know I'm waitin' for those proofs. 
(She listens.) 

Senator Dixon is in town, and he wants to see 
them. 

(She listens.) 

Yes, but that's only a copy. He wants the news- 
paper proof so's to be sure the Planet's going to 
print the article. Yes. I'm glad it's on the way. 
It ought to be here now. Can you send me the 
photograph of Matthews's check .? 
(She listens.) 

I'm sorry. I wish you could let me have it. Senator 
Dixon wants legal evidence. Oh, you mustn't call 
him that! Yes, I know. But you mustn't. Thank 
you. Good-bye. 
(She hangs up the receiver.) 

Senator Dixon 
(Uneasily.) 

What did Rathburn call me ? 

[191] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
Blind as a bat, thick-skulled as a Patagonian, and 
stubborn as a mule. 
(Regretfully.^ 
There was more, but I forget it. 

Senator Dixon 
{Coldly.^ 

You'd better. Has the Planet got photographs of 
checks that were given .? 
(To Mrs. Gordon.^ 
Looks bad, don't it .? 
(Mrs. Gordon shows great nervousness. Then she 

pulls herself together and speaks more imperiously 

than she has yet spoken.^ 

Mrs. Gordon 
Senator Dixon, I came here at your request. But I 
do not intend to wait longer for a faked-up story for 
which the Planet will pay dearly if it is published. 
Are you ready to escort me home .? Or must I go 
alone ^. 

Senator Dixon 

Why — excuse me, Mrs. Gordon. Of course I'll go 
if you can't wait. But don't you want to wait .? I'm 
interested in this. 

[192] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
Better wait, Mrs. Gordon. Those proofs will in- 
terest you, too. 

Mrs. Gordon 
Take my word for it, those proofs won't come. 
(Senator Dixon looks at her curiously.^ 

Tim 

(Entering^ 

This is for you, Mrs. Dixon. 

(He hands her a bulky envelope containing galley- 
proofs,^ 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Looking at the envelope.^ 
From the Planet, Here they are! 
(She tears it open hurriedly, glances at the head-lines, 
and hands the proofs to her husband.) 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Breathlessly, seeing that he is unfolding them.) 
Let me read them, too. I must. I must! 

Senator Dixon 
Of course. 
(He reads the head-ltne.) 

KIRBY'S MILLION-DOLLAR STEAL! 

13 [193] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(She moves close to his side, and reads the proofs with 
him. Their faces show their emotions. The Sena- 
tor obviously forgets the presence of the others. Sud- 
denly he turns and stares at Mrs. Gordon as if re- 
membering her.^ 

Senator Dixon 

By God! I believe they're rascals! It looks like 
they've fooled us from start to finish, Mrs. Gordon. 
A lot of this is new to me, but it seems clear enough. 

Mrs. Gordon 

(Between set teeth.) 
Yes, Rathburn's got everything! 
(Excitedly, still reading the proofs.) 
Dates, the amount of the check. H'm'm, that's bad. 
(Imperiously.) 

We must warn Kirby. Perhaps he can stop the pub- 
lication of this. He has enormous influence. 

Senator Dixon 

(Turning to stare at her.) 

Mrs. Gordon! What do you mean ? You don't un- 
derstand, and I don't wonder. Those fellows seem 
to be a pack of thieves! They've hanged them- 

[194] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

selves, and were trying to hang us. Look at this! 

And this! And this! 

(He shows her the proofs, pointing to certain passages^ 

Mrs. Gordon 

(Losing her head.^ 

They've acted like fools, leaving such tracks un- 
covered. Oh, I told Kirby that Jackson was a 
wretched little sneak. Why didn't he listen to me ? 
But we've got to warn him. Don't you see ^. 
(Mrs. Dixon draws close to Miss Herrick, and nods 
toward Mrs. Gordon as if to say " You see f"' The 
two women never remove their eyes from Mrs. 
Gordon until the moment of the Senator s arraign- 
ment.^ 

Senator Dixon 
(Drawing off and staring at Mrs. Gordon in con- 
sternation.^ 
No, I don't see. What are you saying ? It's too 
much for me. I can't take it in. 

Mrs. Gordon 

Get Kirby on the wire again, quick! He will know 
what to do. 

Senator Dixon 
But you — you — you — ^what have you to do with this ? 

[195] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 

Oh, do something! Do something! Can't you see 
the position we are in ? 

Senator Dixon 
(Slowly.^ 

Yes. Fm beginning to. Belden couldn't show me. 
The Planet couldn't show me. No one but you 
could show me. But you're doing it now. 

Mrs. Gordon 

(Pulling herself together.) 
Why, Senator — 

Senator Dixon 

So you knew Jackson was a little sneak, did you .? 

So you warned Kirby! 

(Explosively.) 

Then you've known what they were all along! 

You've been working with them! They're your 

friends! You want to save them! Well, they're no 

friends of mine. And you — 

(He stands silent an instant ^ thinking hard. Slowly 
his expression changes to one of entire compre- 
hension. His voice rises as he turns upon her.) 
[196] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

You're what Belden said you were. I couldn't be- 
lieve it. You've been leadin' me around by the nose 
for months, making me your tool, and tryin' to make 
me the tool of those friends of yours. Using me! 
Selling me out! Ready to ruin me for a few thou- 
sand dollars! That's a knock-out blow for any man. 
{She shrinks hack. Silently Miss Herrick withdraws. 

Mrs, Dixon sits down at the desk and looks at them 

thoughtfully.^ 

Mrs. Gordon 

Calm yourself, Senator. We're both excited, but 
we're too good friends to — 
(He interrupts her.) 

Senator Dixon 

Friends! I guess not. Never again! Those other 
fellows are your friends. They're the ones you've 
been helping. 
(He laughs savagely.) 

I've had my lesson. Most any one can fool me once, 
I guess, but the same person can't fool me twice. 
You've killed my friendship. 
(His voice changes.) 

You've killed other things, too — my faith in you. I 
thought you was on a pinnacle above the rest of the 

[197] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

world. I thought you was the kind of woman poets 
write about. You meant everything to me, and you 
sold me out. It's over. I'm through. 
(He goes to the door, opens it, and waits for her to pass. 

Mrs. Gordon 

(Pausing at the door.) 

When you think this over coolly you may see things 

differently, Senator. Then perhaps you will listen to 

me. 

(Senator Dixon turns from her with evident repug- 
nance. She wincesy then turns to Mrs. Dixon, who 
rises and comes toward her.) 

Mrs. Gordon 
Good-bye, Mrs. Dixon. I hardly hope for the pleas- 
ure of another meeting. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Quietly.) 

No, I'm going to bury that little hatchet — unless you 
want it as a souvenir. 
(Exit Mrs. Gordon.) 

Senator Dixon 

(Slowly approaching his wife.) 
If I could be surprised at anything now, I'd be 

[198] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

surprised at you! How you have changed! You 
look Hke the girl I married! 

(Mrs. Dixon looks at her husband with the scorn she 
feels.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
How do you think you look to me ? 

Senator Dixon 
(Hanging his head.) 

Like a fool ! You can't be harder on me than I am 
on myself. There was a good deal coming to me, and 
I got it. Tm sorry I couldn't take it alone. I made 
you suffer, too. I want to make it up to you. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Do you know why you want to, Joel ? I'll tell you. 
(She approaches him and looks him straight in the 

eye.) 
First of all, because you've been thrown down and 
tramped on, an' you want to run to me for comfort, 
like you've always done. Next, you want it because 
I look younger and prettier; because I've got on a 
French hat and some new clothes; because my hair 
is fashionable and my complexion is better than it 
was. That's why! 
(Slowly.) 

[199] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

You can get all that somewhere else. Under these 
new clothes I'm the same woman you got tired of, 
and neglected. 



Senator Dixon 

(With sudden heat.) 

You're not the same woman you were, and it's not 
clothes and hair that's changed you. For twenty 
years you stood still, Harriet. Now you've begun to 
move. That's where the change is. Why didn't 
you do it sooner ? You and me started together. 
I worked all day and studied half the night. I 
grubbed and sweated and chmbed. What did you 
do .? You peeled potatoes. That was right. We 
needed them. You stood by and did your share. 
But then I got ahead. I made money. I hired 
servants for you. I gave you a fine house and 
opportunities. Did you take them .? No. You 
kept right on peeling potatoes. We didn't need 
them then; we needed something else. That's the 
time you didn't stand by; you didn't do your share. 
Then I met another kind of woman. It was a 
new experience to me. It swept me off my feet, 
as it's swept many a man before me. 
{He stops and adds in a different tone.) 

[200] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Isn't there something to be said for me ? Ain't we 
both to blame ? Let's start over and do better. 

Mrs. Dixon 
We can't wipe out this last half hour. 

Senator Dixon 
(^Slowly.) 

It ain't just this last half hour that's changed you. 
It's the last two months. What started you off in the 
first place — leavin' home and comin' to New York 
and dressin' yourself up like this when you never did 
it for me in the old days .? 

Mrs. Dixon 
Don't you know why I did it .? Don't you know who 
I did it for .? 

Senator Dixon 
Is there some one else .? Some one you've met here .? 
By God, I believe there is ! Who is it .? 
{With sudden conviction.^ 

It's Belden — that's who it is! I was a fool not to 
see it. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Furiously.^ 

Now at last you've finished your work ! You've done 
it up brown! It wasn't enough to break my heart. 

[201] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

It wasn't enough to drag me through the dust before 
that woman and my friends! It wasn't enough to 
make me a coward that trembled for fear of losin' 
you, and a har that hed to save you! No! You've 
got to insult me, too! 

Senator Dixon 
Harriet! 

Mrs. Dixon 

Get out of this room! Get out of my life! 
{Her voice breaks.^ 

Senator Dixon 
Harriet! You don't mean that! Why, you're crying! 
(He tries to take her hands.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Pushing him away and speaking with intense 

conviction.) 
Don't touch me! Don't come near me! And don't 
fool yourself! I ain't cryin' for you, Joel Dixon. 
I'm cryin' for the man I thought you were. 

Senator Dixon 
(Suspiciously.) 
What are you going to do ? 

[202] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
Fm goln' to lead my own life. It took me a long 
time to start — you're right about that. But Fm off 
now and Fll never stop. Fm through with you, I 
tell you. Fm through with your potatoes and your 
politics and you. Now go. 

(She motions toward the door. With a quick move- 
ment Dixon seizes his hat, turns on his heel, and 
goes out as 



THE CURTAIN FALLS 



ACT IV 



ACT IV 

Time: — An evening in October. 

Scene: — Mrs. Dixon's apartment on Gramercy Park, 
New York. The rise of the curtain shows a charm- 
ing living-room, with good pictures, and with many 
well-filled book-shelves against the walls. A great 
window at the rear looks out on the park. Through 
it is seen the tower of the Metropolitan Building, 
with Its illuminated clock. A grand piano stands in 
the right [upper] corner. Logs burn in the fire- 
place \left\. Before it is a large davenport, on 
which Freddy and Virginia are sitting. At the 
end of the davenport is a table containing books, 
magazines, and a reading-lamp. At the other end 
\down\ IS an easy-chair. At the right [down] sit 
Mrs. Dean and Colonel Belden, deep in a game of 
cards. As the curtain rises Miss Herrick is at the 
piano, playing a dreamy waltz. All are in evening 
dress. Annie, Mrs. Dixon s maid, is removing the 
coffee cups. Miss Herrick stops playing, rises, and 
comes forward. 

[207] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
This is what comes of being neighborly in New York! 
Who but Mrs. Dixon would dream of such a thing ? 

Miss Jefferson 
(Languidly.^ 
Why this cryptic utterance, Ruth ? 

Miss Herrick 
Tm not cryptic. I'm grumbling. Here's our hostess 
torn from the dinner-table to comfort a sick neighbor 
across the hall, and here are we left lamenting. 

Freddy 
I'm not lamenting. Virginia, if you will turn one 
inch more toward me I will look deep into your eyes, 
the way they do in books. 
(To Miss Herrick.^ 
Run away, Ruth. We're busy. 

Miss Herrick 
Of course! You four are utterly absorbed in each 
other. But what about me ? 

Mrs. Dean 
You chose your lonely spinster path. Now look 
at us and gnash your teeth. 

[208] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(She plays the last card in her hand and draws in the 

trick. To Colonel Belden.) 
Game ! 

Colonel Belden 

Yes, Ruth, study the two happy couples before you 
and learn too late what life really means. 

Miss Herrick 

It seems to mean a selfish absorption In each other, 
since your engagement, and a complete Indifference 
to everybody else. 

(Enter Annie, Mrs. Dixon s maid. She has a card 
on a tray, which she offers to Miss Herrick.^ 

Miss Herrick 
(Taking the card?) 
For me, Annie ^. 

Annie 

Yes'm. The lady asked if you were here. When I 
said you were she sent In the card. 

Miss Herrick 

(Reading the card aloud. ^ 

Mrs. James Montmorency Mulligan! I never even 

heard of the woman. 

14 [209] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Annie 
She said, miss, if you didn't remember her I was to 
say her name was Mulholland before she got married. 

Miss Herrick 
Of course ! Clarice ! I had forgotten ! 
{To Colonel Belden^ 

She married a Far Western millionaire a month ago, 
and has been away on her honeymoon. But what 
can she want with me .? 
(To Annte.) 
I will see her. 
(Exit Jennie.) 

Freddy 
(Excitedly, rising.) 

Clarice in all her new war-paint. By Jove, what fun ! 
Fm glad Fm here! 

(Enter Miss Mulholland, now Mrs. Mulligan. She 
is dressed in the extreme of Pans fashion. She 
wears an exquisite wrap, which she throws hack, 
revealing herself in full evening dress, cut very 
decollete. On her head is a jeweled tiara, and on 
her throat a diamond necklace. She also wears 
numerous long, jeweled chains and carries a lorgnette. 
Diamond bracelets sparkle on her arms. She ap- 
proaches Miss Herrick with languid ease, moving 
[210] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

slowly, that the full effect of her appearance may 
hurst upon observers?) 

Mrs. Mulligan 
(With great elegance!) 
Good-evenin', Miss Herrick! 
(In her natural tones, as they shake hands!) 
Say,, Fm awful glad to see you. Excuse me for 
buttin' in like this. But I got somethin' special to 
tell you. 

Miss Herrick 
(Cordially!) 

Fm very glad to see you, Mrs. Mulligan. I think 
you know Mrs. Dean, Miss Jefferson, Colonel 
Belden — 

Mrs. Mulligan 
(Bowing elegantly!) 

Well, I guess yes. Colonel Belden give me a dinner 
once. And, oh, the way he done it! 

Colonel Belden 
(Laughing, hut embarrassed!) 
I remember that, very pleasantly. 

Mrs. Dean 
(To Colonel Belden!) 

[211] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

A hiatus in those lonely evenings I heard so much 
about! 

Freddy 
Was that you, dad ? 
{To Virginia.^ 

"He never said one word!" How d'ye do, Miss 
Mulholland ?— Mrs. MulHgan, I mean! 
(He approaches her with outstretched hand. Mrs. 
. Mulligan raises her lorgnette and surveys him 
severely through it.) 

Mrs. Mulligan 
(To Miss Her rick.') 
Some gentleman friend of yourn, I infer, 

Freddy 
(Stunned.) 
Why, Clarice! 

Miss Herrick 
(Amused.) 

Mrs. Mulligan, my cousin, Mr. Belden, 
(Mrs. Mulligan hows with great hauteur. Freddy 
hows very formally, retreats to the davenport, sits 
down, and huries his face in a sofa-cushion^ 

Mrs. Mulligan 
(7*0 Miss Herrick.) 

[212] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Say, it was hard luck to get Mulligan for a name, 
wasn't it ? It was the only cheap present Jim ever 
give me, but it looks fine on checks. Jim's my hus- 
band — James Montmorency. Like that part of it ? 

Miss Herrick 
Very much. 

Mrs. Mulligan 

His name's really James Michael Mulligan, but I 
couldn't stand for that. I told him he had to break 
away from all he could of it, and buy some visitin'- 
cards. 

Miss Jefferson 
You seem very happy, Mrs. Mulligan. 

Mrs. Mulligan 

Why wouldn't I be .? Did you ever see so many good 
clothes on one person at one time ? 

Colonel Belden 
You positively dazzle us! 

Mrs. Mulligan 
(Pleased.) 

It's the diamonds does that. This is only one of the 

[213] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

movin'-picture shows I'm givin' at the Waldorf these 
nights. We're stoppin' there this week. 

Freddy 

(To Virginia.^ 

That explains the crowds on Thirty-fourth Street. 

Mrs. Mulligan 
(Ignoring him.^ 

Jim trims me up like I was a Christmas tree. He'd 
hang pearls on me like strings of popcorn, but I won't 
let him. Taste is my motto, I tell him — taste an 
moderation. Like my dress, Freddy ? 
(She approaches him, smiling.) 

Freddy 

(Reviving, jumping up and going to her.) 

It's simply great. But why did you cut me dead ? 

Mrs. Mulligan 

I was just gettin' a rise out of you ! 

(She turns to the others.) 

Say, I'm in luck. I didn't expect to find you all here. 

Now I can say good-bye to every one. 

(Elegantly.) 

[214] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

We're sailing for Europe to-morrow on the Olympic. 
We got four rooms — an two baths! 

Miss Herrick 
For Europe! That^s very nice. 

Mrs. Mulligan 

Ain't it? There was a girl at our hotel table in 
Atlantic City. She was just back from Rome. 
All she talked about was the cattycombs there. I 
was wild. 

Freddy 
Why ? 

Mrs. Mulligan 

I knew she meant the shell combs. But I couldn't 
find none here and I didn't want to ask no questions. 
Finally Jim says, "Come to Rome, Clarice, and I'll 
buy ye every cattycomb they got." So we're goin'. 
That's Jim. 

Miss Jefferson 

Marriage isn't a failure, is it .? 

Mrs. Mulligan 
You bet it ain't. The beauty business was. So was 

[215] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

literachoor. God knows, I thought men was fail- 
ures, too; but Jim's different, somehow. 

Freddy 
Like me. 

Mrs. Mulligan 

Not so you'd notice, it, Freddy ! My husband's made 
his pile, an' all we got to do is spend it. But I'd 
married him if he hadn't a cent. The minute he 
turned his lamps my way all the other lights went 
out for me. 

Miss Herrick 

I think you said there was something you wanted to 
tell me. Shall we go into another room o^ 

Mrs. Mulligan 

No, I'll get it off my lungs right here. I feel pretty 
bad about it. I guess I helped to mix things up. 

Miss Herrick 
What things .? 

Mrs. Mulligan 

I'll tell you, and you can do the rest. I ran against 
Senator Dixon in Central Park this afternoon. 

[216] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dean 
Senator Dixon ? I thought he was in Oklahoma ? 

Mrs. Mulligan 
He got here yesterday. 

Colonel Belden 
Of course, he wants to be in Washington when Con- 
gress convenes, next week. 

Miss Jefferson 
I didn't think you knew Senator Dixon. 

Mrs. Mulligan 
I met him the day he come to the office in June to 
talk to Mrs. Dixon. He hit my office when he was 
leavin'. I'd heard some of the talk. He said he was 
in — ^weil, in sheol — so I tried to show him the elevator. 

Miss Herrick 
But what happened to-day .? 

Mrs. Mulligan 
He was walkin' in the park, and Jim and me was in 
our new motor. We ast him to get in. He didn't 
want to. I never seen a man so dee-pressed. 

[217] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Freddy 
That doesn't seem like the Senator. 

Mrs. Mulligan 
He looked Hke he was in the cemetery, on his way to 
Httle Robbie's grave. We made him come, and then 
he was interested in our car. It has six cylinders, 
or sixteen, I forget which — perhaps it's sixty. Oh 
no, it's sixty horses. 

Freddy 
That's awfully interesting. What else has it got ? 

Mrs. Mulligan 
(Proudly.^ 
It's got tires that don't have to be galvanized. 

Miss Herrick 

(Interrupting, with an apologetic smile. ^ 

But the Senator — what about him .? How did you 

mix things ? 

Mrs. Mulligan 
(Recalled.^ 

Oh yes. Well, we talked about you and Mrs. Dixon 
and Mrs. Dean, and he ast me was it true Colonel 
Belden was goin' to be married. I said yes, I heard 

[218] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick say so, but it wasn't out yet. Then he 
ast did she seem happy, meanin' Mrs. Dean, I 
thought. 

Miss Herrick 
Of course he meant Mrs. Dean. But that was odd — 

Mrs. Mulligan 

No, he didn't. I said I'd never seen a woman so 
tickled except when I turned to me lookin'-glass. 
An' he got blue as trust milk, an' said he was de- 
lighted to hear it. Then he made us stop the car 
and let him out. You could hear the dead-march 
playin' as he stood on the road, holdin' his hat in his 
hand. 

Colonel Belden 

What are you getting at .f' 

Mrs. Mulligan 

I'm tellin' you. "Good-bye, Mrs. Mulligan," he says, 
just like that. *'When you see my wife tell her I 
wish her happiness in her new life." The next 
minute he was gone among the trees, and I saw that 
all the time I'd been talkin' about Mrs. Dean he 
thought I was talkin' about Mrs. Dixon. 

[219] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dean 
(To Colonel Belden.) 

He thinks his wife is going to get a divorce from him 
and marry you ! He has heard some gossip. 

Freddy 
That's because you're here so much, dad. 

Colonel Belden 
Fred, hold your tongue. 

Miss Jefferson 
Why didn't you go after him, Mrs. MulHgan, and 
straighten things out ? 

Mrs. Mulligan 
We tried, but he was gone. Then Jim tried to find 
him at some of the hotels, but 'twas like lookin' for 
a dollar in a contribution box. 
(To Miss Herrick.^ 

So I went to your apartment, an' when I found you 
was here I come after you. I felt awful, on Mrs. 
Dixon's account. I done her up so grand at the 
beauty parlors — an' now It looks like my art's wasted. 

Miss Herrick 

I don't know what we can do. 

[220] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Mulligan 
You fix it some way. I got to go now. Jim's 
waitin' down-stairs. I wanted him to come up, but 
he says no. "I ain't in sussiety yet," he says, "an' 
there's no use pretendin' I am." So he went in the 
hotel cafFy to have a drink with our new shover. 

Miss Herrick 
Thank you, Mrs. Mulligan. It was very good of 
you to come and tell me this. 

Mrs. Mulligan 

(Bowing all round.) 

Good-bye, then. Bon voyage! Oh, do I say that or 

do you folks say it ? 

Colonel Belden 
We say it. 

All Together 
Bon voyage! 
(Mrs. Mulligan hows and smiles.) 

Freddy 

I will take you to your car, Mrs. Mulligan, if you will 
allow me that precious privilege. 
(Exit Freddy and Mrs. Mulligan.) 

[221] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dean 
(^Slowly.) 

If there was any chance of a reconciliation between 
those two, I suppose this silly rumor has spoiled it. 

Miss Jefferson 
It serves Senator Dixon right. It may put him 
through something of what Mrs. Dixon suffered last 
spring. 

Colonel Belden 

(^Laughing.) 

Incidentally, he may put something through me. 
Those Western chaps are always provided with six- 
shooters. 
(^Freddy enters.^ 

Freddy 
Clarice sends us a postscript. In her excitement she 
forgot to mention one trivial detail. 
(Imp res SI vely . ) 
Senator Dixon got Mrs. Dixon's address from her. 

Colonel Belden 
(To Mrs. Dean.) 

My dear, you will announce our engagement to- 
morrow if you wish to marry a man who is un- 
punctured. 

[222] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Freddy 
Too late, dad. He's coming here to-night! 

Mrs. Dean 

(Decidedly.^ 

ril go and get Harriet. 
(She rises.) 

Colonel Belden 
(Rising also.) 

Right you are, Isabel. In the mean time I'll seek 

some safe, sequestered nook until this little matter 

is cleared up in Dixon's mind. 

Miss Herrick 
Don't be in such a hurry to unravel that tangle. It 
may help matters. I'll see Senator Dixon when he 
comes, and sound him. Then if you two will play 
up a bit — 

Colonel Belden 

Not in a thousand years! You explain things to 
Dixon, Ruth, and you do it fully. Understand .? 

Miss Herrick 
I shall use my own judgment. I'm not sure Mrs. 
Dixon will ever forgive her husband — but I do know 
she has been desperately unhappy since she sent 
him away, 

[223] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(Exit Colonel Belden and Mrs. Dean. As they leave 
Mrs. Dixon enters by the other door. She is in 
full evening dress.^ 

Miss Herrick 

Harriet, Senator Dixon is in town. He's coming here 
this evening. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Joel f In town f Coming here .? Why .? 

Miss Herrick 
He will explain that. Will you see him? 

Mrs. Dixon 
M— m— Yes. 
(She reflects for an instant.^ 

rU see him. I want to know what he's done for him- 
self — or whether he has done anything. 

Miss Herrick 
You take his coming calmly. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Mrs. Dean has taught me that. 

[224] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 

And much more. Senator Dixon will be surprised 
at what you've done for yourself. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Do you think he will ? 

(Thoughtfully.^ 

I can talk on almost any subject for one minute. If 

it isn't changed then, Lm done for. 

Miss Herrick 

Your One-Minute Talks on Timely Topics are very 
useful. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Those minute talks help out a lot at dinners. Men 
like them. They can go right on eating while I 
converse. 

Miss Herrick 
(Seriously.^ 
Harriet, aren't you a little sorry for Senator Dixon ? 

Mrs. Dixon 

I'll tell you after I've seen him! If he's what he was 
last June, I'll be mighty sorry for him. 
15 [225] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
You haven't heard a word from him since ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
No. He had to sink or learn to swim. I couldn't 
help him. A time comes to every one of us when we 
have to work out things alone. Joe's time, and 
mine, came this summer. 

(A hell rings. Annie enters with a card, which she 
hands to her mistress. Mrs. Dixon glances at it.^ 

Mrs. Dixon 
Show him in. 
(7*0 Miss Herrick.) 

It's Joe. You see him first. I'll come in later. 
(^She goes out swiftly. Senator Dixon enters.) 

Senator Dixon 
Good-evening, Miss Herrick. I didn't hope to find 
you here. Good-evening. 

(^He bows to Freddy and Firginta and shakes hands 
with Miss Herrick. Freddy and Virginia, after 
acknowledging his greeting, continue their tete-a- 
tete.) 

Miss Herrick 

Mrs. Dixon will see you in a few minutes. Senator. 
Mrs. Mulligan told us you were coming. 

[226] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Senator Dixon 
Fm only in town for a day on my way to Washington. 
From what I hear my wife will want to have a talk, 
and straighten out some business matters. I can't 
leave her entirely to those lawyer fellows. 

Miss Herrick 
I see. 

Senator Dixon 
I ain't going to stand in her way. I came to tell her 
so. Will Belden be here to-night ? 

Miss Herrick 
He is here now. 

Senator Dixon 
(Quickly.) 
I s'pose they're beginning to plan for the wedding ? 

Miss Herrick 
(Smiling.) 

Colonel Belden's ? Yes, they're planning for it. 
But you know it's not out yet. 

Senator Dixon 
(Stiffly.) 
Naturally it wouldn't be, till after the divorce. Even 

[227] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

New York's got to draw the line somewhere. But 
I've heard it whispered about considerably. 

Miss Herrick 
You have ? Really ? 

Senator Dixon 
Where's my wife going to live, Miss Herrick .? 
Everybody but me seems to know her plans. 

Miss Herrick 
Mrs. Dixon thinks she will live abroad every sum- 
mer, and in New York in the winter. She has made 
a host of friends here. She has entered a new world. 

Senator Dixon 
What kind of a world .? How does a man get there .? 

Miss Herrick 
It's a very beautiful world. Senator. One entrance 
is through the pages of books. 

Senator Dixon 
Humph ! My wife got through all right, did she ? 
What does she do there .? 

[228] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
She studies, hears music, looks at pictures. 

Senator Dixon 
They say fellows who study the stars know how far 
they are from earth. How near's the nearest star '' 

Miss Herrick 
(Smiling^ 

The planet Venus is only about twenty-six million 
miles away. 

Senator Dixon 

Is that all ? Well, Miss Herrick, that's just about as 
near as I feel to my wife's new world. 

Freddy 
(To Virginia.^ 

Every star is an eye, Virginia, looking admiringly at 
you. Thus every I is a U to me. 

Miss Jefferson 
An I O U, I'm afraid, Freddy, judging by what I've 
heard of your extravagance. 

Senator Dixon 

(Nodding toward him.) 

Belden's son, ain't it ? What brings him here ? 

[229] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Miss Herrick 
He says he has to come to get a glimpse of his father. 

Senator Dixon 
Confound his father! Oh, excuse me! 

Miss Herrick 

Freddy is fond of Mrs. Dixon, too. And he likes 
Mrs. Dean and Miss Jefferson. They both live with 
Mrs. Dixon, you know. We all feel very much at 
home here. 

Senator Dixon 

Did you persuade her to see me to-night ? 

Miss Herrick 

She wasn't hard to persuade. She knew you came 
on business. 

Senator Dixon 

How strange it seems I Her friends all welcome, and 
me only able to get in under your umbrella. 

Miss Herrick 
Fm glad to hold it over you. 

[230] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Senator Dixon 

I s'pose my wife wouldn't take me in out of a cyclone. 
Does she — does she ever speak about me ? 

Miss Herrick 

She spoke of you to-night, for the first time — ^when she 
heard you were coming. 

Senator Dixon 

I guess I ain't been in her mind very much. 
(He rambles round the room, stops at the hook-shelves, 
picks up a volume and looks at it helplessly.^ 

Senator Dixon 

(Reading the title.) 

The Symbolist Movement in Literature. What's that 

mean ? Does she know .? 

Miss Herrick 
(Laughing.) 

She will before she gets through. Colonel Belden is 
reading it aloud now to her and Mrs. Dean. 
(The Senator opens the hook and dazedly regards its 
contents.) 

[231] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Senator Dixon 
Reading it aloud, eh ? They've marked this passage. 
(He reads?) 

"A symbol might be defined as a representation which 
does not aim at being a reproduction." Great Scott! 
What does that mean .? I don't know. Do they I 

Miss Herrick 
Yes. Mrs. Dixon is learning very fast. 
{Senator Dixon closes the hook with a sudden air of 
decision and puts it into his pocket^ 

Senator Dixon 
I'm goin' to borrow this book. I'd like to see if it 
means anything. 
{He holds out his hand.) 

You been a mighty good friend to my wife. You 
ain't played my game, but I can't blame you for that. 

Miss Herrick 
{Putting her hand into his.) 
Thank you, Senator. 

Freddy 

{Exultantly, rising and coming toward them.) 
Shake hands with me, too. Miss Jefferson has just 

[232] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

made me the happiest man in the world. She's going 
to marry me. 

Miss Herrick 
(Putting her arm around Virginia.') 
That's capital, but it isn't news. 

Freddy 
What d'ye mean ? 

Miss Herrick 
(Kindly.) 
Virginia and I knew it long before you did. 

Freddy 
You did ? W — When did you decide ? 

Miss Jefferson 
The first time I met you ! 

Freddy 
Just like that! 
(To Dixon.) 
She plucked me off the tree of life as if I'd been — 

Miss Jefferson 
A green apple! Exactly. 

Freddy 
Unmaidenly, I call it. What's the world coming to ? 

[233] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Senator Dixon 
(Shaking hands with him and Virginia.^ 
It's coming to womerij young man. The sooner you 
know that, the better. 

Freddy 
Coming .? It's come. 
(To Virginia.^ 

Well, let's go and tell father — unless you've told him 
already! Good-bye, Senator. 
(To Virginia.^ 
You're sure you want me .f" I've led a frightful life! 

Miss Jefferson 
Don't take it so hard, Freddy. I'll be kind to you. 

Freddy 
(With gloomy resignation.^ 
All right. Lead me to the altar. 

(He follows her out of the room. Senator Dixon looks 
after them. Mrs. Dixon opens the door softly, looks 
in, sees him, and hesitates. Then she comes for- 
ward and greets him calmly.^ 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Offering Dixon her hand.) 

[234] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

How do you do, Joel ? I'm sorry I kept you waiting. 
(The Senator takes her hand, stares at her dazedly, 

tries to speak, and fails. He forgets to release her 

hand, which she quietly disengages.^ 

Miss Herrick 

Good-night, Harriet. Good-night, Senator. As Tm 
under the grinding heel of a corporation I must keep 
early hours. 

(Exit Miss Herrick.^ 

Senator Dixon 

(Awkwardly.^ 

I thought we ought to have a talk on — on 

business. 

(He stops and stares at her. It is plain that the 
great change in her appearance dazzles and be- 
wilders him.) 

Mrs. Dixon 

Won't you sit down .? 

(Mrs. Dixon indicates the divan, and he seats him- 
self. She takes a small chair and sits down also, 
facing him.) 

Senator Dixon 
(Looking around.) 

[235] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

It's mighty cosy here. I been livin' in hotels so 

much I've most forgot the feel of a home. 

(Confusedly.^ 

This seems like old times, don't it; both of us 

together ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Calmly?) 

You came to talk to me. What did you want to say ? 

(Senator Dixon stares at her, and is again confused by 

this strange presence, so like, yet so unlike, his wife.^ 

Senator Dixon 
I — yes, I — 
(Desperately.^ 

Great Scott, Harriet! Give a man a chance to pull 
himself together. It ain't an easy errand I've come on. 
(Confusedly.^ 

I — I picked up one of your books a few minutes ago. 
(He takes the volume from his pocket and offers it to 
her.) 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Raising her eyebrows in polite surprise as she takes it.) 
I didn't think you cared much about books. 

Senator Dixon 

(More at his ease on this neutral topic.) 

[236] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

I ain't had much time for books so far. But I think 
every man ought to read some. 

Mrs. Dixon 

{With great formality!) 

How did this book impress you } 

Senator Dixon 
(Dazed) 

Hey ? Why — why — 
(Rallying gallantly?) 

The author seems to have some new ideas. Near 
as I can make out he thinks we don't really need 
anything if we can only get something that looks 
like it. 

(Leaning forward, with growing confidence.) 
Lord, Harriet! I'd hardly know you. It don't seem 
possible you're the same woman that left Oklahoma 
last spring. 
(He nervously approaches the book-shelves and looks 

over the volumes there.) 
I s'pose you've got Shakespeare here, an' Byron ? 

Mrs. Dixon 

Yes, but I don't care for either of them very much. 

[237] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

I like Tennyson real well, and Longfellow, and some 
of Wordsworth's poetry. Don't you ? 

Senator Dixon 
(Humbly.^ 

I ain't read them. I read some of Byron when I was 
a boy. Then I read *'The Cotter's Saturday Night," 
and "The Lowing Herd Winds Slowly O'er the 
Lea." I guess that's about all. 

(They ga%e at each other for a moment across the 
intellectual abyss which separates them.) 

Senator Dixon 
(Diffidently.) 

I suppose books and music are as necessary to you 
now as your meals. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Not quite. But I love them. Do you care for opera ? 

Senator Dixon 
I couldn't tell an opera from the noise in a blacksmith 
shop. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Grieved.) 

Dear me! You miss a great deal. But I believe 
you came to talk business. 

[238] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Senator Dixon 
Yes, I came to talk about — the — the divorce. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Stunned, hut immediately pulling herself together.) 
The divorce ? 

Senator Dixon 
That's the next step, ain't it ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Quietly.) 
Yes, I suppose it is. 

Senator Dixon 
I'm goin' to make it as easy for you as I can. 

Mrs. Dixon 
You mean you're going to get it ? On the ground of 
desertion ^. 

Senator Dixon 
Good Lord, no! You get it — on any ground you 
please. It's all goin' to be done your way. 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Faintly^ 

My way ? But you want me to get it .? 

[239] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Senator Dixon 
Yes, of course. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Very well, Joel. Is — is that all you came to say? 

Senator Dixon 
No. There's something more. 
(He stands behind her.) 

Harriet, I wish we hadn't made such a mess of 
things. I'll go the limit now and say all I've got to 
say. It ain't likely we'll meet again after this. I 
ain't thanked you yet for what you did for me in the 
Kirby deal. You saved my good name. I want you 
to know I realize that. And there's another thing I 
understand. 
(^Impressively.) 

I ain't in your class — but that's my fault, not yours. 
You've made yourself over, and it's great. I haven't 
done it. I'm pretty raw still. 
(He takes some papers from an inside pocket.) 
Now tell me how you want things fixed. I'll do 
anything that will make you happy. 
(Enter Colonel Belden and Mrs. Dean.) 

Colonel Belden 
(Heartily.) 

[240] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Why, Dixon, how do you do ? I just heard you were 

in town. 

(He offers his handy which Dixon ignores.') 

Senator Dixon 
(Coolly!) 

I got here yesterday. 
(He turns away.) 

Colonel Belden 
Why, Dixon! Surely you're not still resenting our 
last meeting. Didn't everything come out as we told 
you? 

Senator Dixon 
(Turning, and coming hack to Belden.) 
I know I'm under obligations to you, Belden. I'm 
sorry that I haven't acknowledged them before. I 
thank you now. 
(He shakes hands with Belden.) 

Colonel Belden 
(Courteously.) 

You owe me no gratitude. That should go to Mrs. 
Dixon. 

Senator Dixon 
(Fiercely,) 
16 [241] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

By God, I can stand things till you come around! 
Then I can't. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Joel! 

Senator Dixon 

I — I beg your pardon. (To Belden.) I'd like a 
private talk with you if the ladies will excuse us. 

Colonel Belden 
Is this quite the place to bring up fancied grievances .? 

Senator Dixon 

Fancied grievances! By heaven! You'd think they 
were real enough if you were in my boots! 



Joel! 

(In alarm. ^ 
Senator! 



Mrs. Dixon 
Mrs. Dean 

Senator Dixon 



(Turning to his wife.^ 

I — I — Excuse me. I'm afraid I'm not acting very 
well. But you'll admit that the situation ain't an 

[242] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

easy one. It calls for a little more than flesh and 

blood can stand, I guess. 

(To Belden.) 

I came here to-night to do the right thing, Colonel 

— to do whatever my wife wants done. If you had 

kept away, Fd have got through it, I guess. All I 

can do now is to beg pardon again and get out. 

Colonel Belden 
Here! Let me explain, Senator. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Grasping the situation^ 

If you don't mind, Colonel, I will explain to Senator 
Dixon. 

Senator Dixon 
Yes, Fd rather have her say what's got to be said. 

Colonel Belden 

(After an instant's hesitation.^ 

As you please. 

(Annie enters with a card which she offers her mistress.^ 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Reading it aloud?) 
Mrs. Herbert Gordon! 

[243] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Colonel Belden 
Good-night, then ! Good-night, Mrs. Dixon ! 

Mrs. Dean 

(To Colonel Belden.^ 

Ruth wants you to drop her at her apartment on your 

way home. 

(Exit Colonel Belden and Mrs. Dean.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Calmly.) 

Has that woman followed you here, Joel ? Is she in 

your life still ? 

Senator Dixon 

(Meeting her eyes squarely.) 

No. I haven't laid eyes on her since the day you 
saw her last June. I made a fool of myself once, but 
I don't work at the job all the time. 

Mrs. Dixon 

She has audacity enough for anything, but I never 

dreamed she would come to my home. I'll see what 

she wants. 

(To Annie.) 

Ask her to come in. 

[244] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(Mrs. Gordon enters. Mrs. Dixon and Senator Dixon 
rise to receive her.^ 

Mrs. Gordon 
Senator Dixon ! You here ! 

Senator Dixon 
(Grimly.) 
This is unexpected. 

Mrs. Gordon 

(Recovering herself.) 

It certainly is. But Vm glad to see you, Senator. 

Mrs. Dixon 
This reunion surprises me, too, Mrs. Gordon. 

Mrs. Gordon 
(Suavely.) 

I got back from Europe this morning. Now I intend 
to gather up the loose ends of some little matters that 
we dropped rather hastily last June. 

Mrs. Dixon 

Are they still loose ? 

[245] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
Very. Your alleged exposure of the Kirby bill, for 
example, never appeared in the Planet. 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Smiling.^ 
No. It never appeared. 

Mrs. Gordon 
I want to know why. Naturally, I came to find out. 

Mrs. Dixon 
That was natural — for you ! 

Mrs. Gordon 
The Planet was afraid of libel — and is still afraid. 
Do you realize that the bill has a good chance of 
passing if it comes up again t 

Mrs. Dixon 

(To Dixon.) 

Would you vote for it ? 

Senator Dixon 
You bet I would not. 
(To Mrs. Gordo77.) 
I'd fight that bill to the last ditch! 

[246] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
You mean that, Senator ? 

Senator Dixon 
I do — and I'd enjoy the fight. 

Mrs. Dixon 

(To Mrs. Gordon.) 

The article served its purpose, you see. You threw 

down your cards. 

Mrs. Gordon 
I may play that hand after all. Dare you lend me 
those proofs ? 

Mrs. Dixon 

Why not ? With the greatest pleasure. 

(Senator Dixon is looking at Mrs. Gordon closely) 

Mrs. Gordon 
I wish to refresh my memory. 

Mrs. Dixon 

I have the proofs in my desk. Will you excuse me a 
moment ^. 

(Mrs. Dixon leaves the room.) 

[247] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
She is much changed. 

Senator Dixon 
It's astonishing what she's learned! 

Mrs. Gordon 
Do you think so? I wonder! 

Senator Dixon 
You ought to hear her talk about books! 

Mrs. Gordon 
I should love to. In fact, I think I will! 
(Mrs. Dixon re-enters, carrying two galley-proofs.^ 

Mrs. Dixon 
Everything I know is here. 

Mrs. Gordon 

(Taking the proofs.^ 

The proofs from the Planet! Thank you. 

Mrs. Dixon 

(Smiling.^ 

They are not from the Planet. They never were 
from the Planet. 

[248] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
What do you mean ? 

Mrs. Dixon 

Our late interview took place in a magazine office. 
Behold the innocent type of The Woman s Friend! 

Senator Dixon 

(To Mrs. Gordon, laughing.^ 

She fooled us both ! By George, that was smart ! 

Mrs. Gordon 

(Controlling her annoyance.^ 
Very clever, indeed. I congratulate you. 
(She rises to go, but lingers.^ 

May I tell you how attractive your home is .? Charm- 
ing! And books everywhere ! This looks interesting. 
(She picks It up.) 

The Symbolist Movement in Literature! I've never 
been quite sure what the symbolists were getting at. 
Have you, Mrs. Dixon .? 

Senator Dixon 

(Grasping his opportunity.) 

[249] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

A 'symbol is a representation that does not aim at 
being a reproduction. 

{Mrs. Dixon pauses, stares on vacancy to recollect her 
'^One-Minute Talk" on Symholism, and then speaks 
in an expressionless tone.^ 

Mrs. Dixon 
The symboHsts maintain that mere reproduction of 
the thing itself is not art, but a sort of literary pho- 
tography. Their method is different. Instead of 
reproducing what they see they represent what appears 
to them, as they want others to see it. Art thus 
becomes something more than nature. It is nature 
transmuted by the vision of the poet or seer. 
(She pauses. Senator Dixon looks at her, dazed.) 

Mrs. Gordon 
Really! Is that all,? 

Mrs. Dixon 
(In her natural tone, but exhausted^ 
It seems a good deal to me! 

Mrs. Gordon 
Do you understand it, Senator ? It sounds very com- 
plicated. What does it really mean, Mrs, Dixon .? 

[250] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Dixon 
(Her face illumined by a sudden smile.) 
Why, that Planet proof Is an illustration. It was not 
the thing itself — only a representation of it — 
(Sweetly.) 

As I wanted you to see it! I never thought of it be- 
fore, but I'm a symbolist! 

Senator Dixon 
(Exultantly.) 

Now, for the first time, I really understand a symbol! 
(In warm admiration.) 

Harriet, how have you done it all .? By Jove, it beats 
me what you've learned ! 

Mrs. Dixon 
Thank you, Joel. 

Mrs. Gordon 
Here is Hedda Gabler, too. Your reading is varied. 
(She picks up the hook.) 

Mrs. Dixon 
Are you an admirer of Ibsen .? 

Mrs. Gordon 
Not at all. To me art means beauty. I am not in- 

[251] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

terested in the clinical representation of disease. 
The theater is a temple, not a place for the dissection 
of moral gangrene. 

Mrs. Dixon 
{Entering with great formality upon her second 

"Minute Talk.") 
Ibsen took for his subjects the ills of the social body, 
but his touch was always sane and antiseptic. Even 
when he represented the most repulsive characters, 
as in the case of Hedda Gabler, the teaching of the 
play, truly understood, is normal and right. 

Mrs. Gordon 
He may have felt that way about poor Hedda's 
disease. But Nazimova didn't agree with him. 

Mrs. Dixon 
I beg your pardon. 

Mrs. Gordon 
(JFearily.) 
Nazimova, Nazimova. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Nazimova! Agree with him.? Of course it didn't 
agree with him! 

[252] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

(To Senator Dixon.) 
Ibsen died of Nazimova! 



Senator Dixon 

I never even heard of the complaint! 

(To Mrs. Dixon.) 

And I'd never know that much about those folks if 

I'd spent a lifetime at it. 

Mrs. Dixon 

If you are satisfied, Mrs. Gordon, with this little 
examination — 

Mrs. Gordon 

Call it a pleasant chat. 

(Softly, to Senator Dixon.) 

I have been longing to see you. Are you coming my 

way ? 

Senator Dixon 

(Rising.) 

No, Mrs. Gordon. Not your way. But FU call a 
cab for you. 
(To Mrs. Dixon.) 
May I come back, Harriet .? 

[253] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Mrs. Gordon 
Thank you. I won't tear you from her side. I have 
a cab waiting. Good-evening. 
{Exit Mrs. Gordon.) 

Senator Dixon 
And to think I ever admired that woman ! Harriet, 
you put it all over her in book learning! 

Mrs. Dixon 
Don't let me deceive you, Joe. I don't know much. 
But I'm going to study all the rest of my life. 

Senator Dixon 
You know more than I'll ever know. One thing I 
want to learn, though, quick. Why didn't you let 
Belden tell me about your — ^your plans ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
They're not mine. They're his. He was trying to 
tell you that he is to marry Mrs. Dean. 

Senator Dixon 
Harriet! And I came here to offer you a divorce! 

Mrs. Dixon 

Why.? 

[254] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

Senator Dixon 
I had ruined your life. If there was any way of 
makin' you happy again I wanted to find it. But it 
was mighty hard to give you up ! It's been a night- 
mare. You'll never know what I've suffered. 

Mrs. Dixon 
That was pretty big of you, Joe — to come here like 
this, and offer to free me. It was Hke the man I 
thought you were. 

Senator Dixon 
Do you know why I did it } Because you've opened 
my eyes. I saw myself as I was — and I didn't like 
the picture. 
(^He comes closer.) 

Harriet, you've brought me to my knees. You've 
taught me how much I've got to learn. Haven't you 
humbled me enough ^ 

Mrs. Dixon 
I don't want to humble you. 

Senator Dixon 
Then help me. It's our whole lives we're settling. 
But you seem so far away I feel as if I'd have to 

[255] 



THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 

halloo across the world to make you hear me. I love 
you ! Can you hear that ? 

Mrs. Dixon 
I guess I'd hear that — anywhere. 

Senator Dixon 
Then answer it. 

Mrs. Dixon 
Oh, my boy! I've never stopped loving you for one 
minute. 
(^She sinks into a big arm-chair near the fire. He 

falls on his knees before her and buries his head in 

her lap.) 

Senator Dixon 
(Brokenly.) 
Let me take you home — to Washington! 

Mrs. Dixon 

We'll start to-morrow. To-night — home is here. 
(She takes his head betwee7i her hands and lays it 

against her breast.) 
Why, Joe, darling, you ain't cryin'! Yes, you be! 
An' I'm so happy I'm forgettin' my grammar! 

CURTAIN 



ft 1911 



One copy del. to Cat. Div. 



